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DEADPOOL 

Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick 
April 12, 2010 



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FADE UP ON: 

An EXTREME CLOSE-UP of what look like BRIGHT-ORANGE TREE- 
RINGS, filling the screen* 

JUICE NEWTON lifts our collective spirits with her power 
ballad 'ANGEL OF THE MORNING ' as we begin our*.. 

. • * CREDIT SEQUENCE . 

We slowly PULL BACK to reveal that the 'rings' are actually 
the glowing COILS of an automobile's CIGARETTE LIGHTER. 

The camera SWINGS around the lighter to reveal that it's 
HOVERING, FROZEN, in MID-AIR... 

...next to the face of a MAN who appears to be violently 
COUGHING. 

The FROZEN man is FLAILING in mid-somersault. His LOCATION 
isn't clear until,.. 

...the camera pulls back FURTHER, out the WINDOW of a 
CADILLAC ESCALADE, also in MID-AIR... 

...FROZEN UPSIDE-DOWN, MID-FLIP . ^ 

The camera circles the ESCALADE and EXPLORES an outrageous 
ACTION SCENE that has been FROZEN IN TIME * 

NOTE: OUR CREDITS HANG IN THE AIR, AT ODD ANGLES, THREE 
DIMENSIONALITY, INTEGRATED INTO THE SCENE. 

We're on a FREEWAY OVERPASS at morning RUSH HOUR. 

We SEE: 

A MAN SMASHING through the Escalade's SUN-ROOF... 
...SHARDS of GLASS encircling his head like mosquitoes... 
...and DROPS of BLOOD SPATTERING in CLOSE-UP, 

ANOTHER MAN catapulting through the air ABOVE the Escalade... 

...his ANKLE entangled in a SEAT-BELT protruding from the 
open passenger door. 

A MOTORCYCLE tumbling in front of the Escalade's GRILLE, 
METAL PARTS exploding OUTWARD, CHAIN whipping through space. 

A motorcycle RIDER soaring through the air, eyes WIDE inside 
his helmet, still firing a SUB-MACHINE GUN... 

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. . .FLAME exploding from its barrel... 
...SHELL-CASINGS spilling everywhere... 

...SLUGS whizzing through the air TOWARD the Escalade, but 
more specifically... 

...toward a tangled jumble of RED FABRIC inside. 

The camera swoops toward the fabric, which clings to the 
limbs of ANOTHER MAN, AS S -OVER -KETTLE inside the S.U.V* 

We see his arms. Legs. 

And at last* * . MASK. 

Eyes trimmed in BLACK. 

DEADPOOL . 

JUICE NEWTON belts out her final heartfelt note, and we... 
. . . END CREDITS . 

DEADPOOL (V*0*) 
I know, right? You have no idea 
what the fuck's going on right now. 
So let me take you back to the dewy 
slopes of. . * 

SMASH CUT TO: 

INT. /EXT. SUPER-MAX PRISON - DAY 
Title: 48 Minutes Ago 

Tight on a pair of black SHIT-KICKERS, escorted through a 
series of CELL and SECURITY DOORS , which SWING and SLIDE OPEN 
and CLOSED AGAIN. 

At last, the black boots walk OUTSIDE into SUNLIGHT. 

Etched into the blinding white fortress behind: 

'No punishment has ever possessed enough power of deterrence 
to prevent the commission of crimes.' - Hannah Arendt 

'Until NOW.' 

The boots strut toward an automotive buffet of Escalades and 
Ducatis in the parking lot... all part of a CONVOY waiting to 
pick up this V.I. P. PRISONER on his first day of freedom. 

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3. 




One of the Escalade's doors swings open. VELVET 
UNDERGROUND'S 'I'M WAITING FOR THE MAN' booms from inside. 

We're behind the boots as they stop walking. The camera 
rises up the prisoner's back as the hands of PRISON GUARDS 
UNLOCK the CUFFS restraining his wrists. 

The camera continues to rise, high into the air. The 
prisoner STRETCHES his arms and struts across the lot TOWARD 
the convoy. 



EXT. /INT. TAXI CAB - DAY 

A TAXI CAB proceeds along a CITY FREEWAY* 

Inside the cab, DEADPOOL, in full DRESS REDS, is WEDGING 
himself through the Plexiglas opening between the back seat 
and front. 

The two KATANAS strapped to Deadpool's back don't cooperate, 
catching on the Plexiglas, stalling him mid-torso. 



The CAB DRIVER grabs Deadpool's hand and pulls him through to 
the front. Deadpool's head rests upside down on the bench 
seat as he maneuvers his legs through. 



The cabbie turns the helping hand into a HANDSHAKE. 



CABBIE 

Dopinder . 

DEADPOOL 
{still upside-down) 
Pool . Deadpool . 



Dopinder looks like Aziz Ansari's and Dev Patel's love child. 
He is young, thin, bearded, brown.** and today 9 remarkably 
and ironically UNAFFECTED by this lunatic in his cab. 



DEADPOOL 
Uh, little help here? 




DEADPOOL 
Kinda lonely back there. 



DOPINDER 



Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool? 



DEADPOOL 



Christmas Day, Dopinder. 



(glances at watch) 
Waited one-thousand-eight-hundred- 
twenty- two days for this shit. 




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DEADPOOL turns himself RIGHT-SIDE-UP in the front seat. He 
is YOKED to the gills and ARMED to the teeth* TWIN KATANAS. 
TWIN DESERT EAGLE .50 CALIBER PISTOLS. 

Deadpool reaches for Dopinder's OPEN BAG of CORN NUTS. 
Dopinder reflexively tries to grab it first and almost gets 
it, but Deadpool pulls it away. 

Deadpool turns up his MASK. And we GLIMPSE the bottom half 
of a SCARRED face. We hold on it as he eats. 

CRUNCH . CRUNCH . CRUNCH . 

DEADPOOL 
(points) 
Nice. 

Dopinder eyes his AIR FRESHENER and takes a deep breath 
through his nose. 

DOPINDER 
Smells good, no? 

DEADPOOL 
Not the Daffodil Daydream air 
freshener. The girl. 

A PICTURE of an INDIAN YOUNG WOMAN is taped to Dopinder's 
dash. 

DOPINDER 
Ah yes. Gita. She is quite 
lovely. She will make me a very 
agreeable wife. My parents know 
how to pick 'em! 

DEADPOOL 
Y'know, Dopinder, love is a 
beautiful thing. When it finds 
you, the whole world smells like 
Daffodil Daydream. 

(cleansing breath) 
Hold onto her. Hold onto love. 
'Cause when it leaves? The whole 
world tastes like Rosie O'Donnell. 

DOPINDER 

And how does Ms. O'Donnell taste, 
Mr. Pool? 

Deadpool tosses in the final corn nut of the bag. CRUNCH. 

DEADPOOL 
Like your nuts in my mouth. 

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5. 



Deadpool chucks the bag out the window and pulls out his 
PISTOLS * He starts CHAMBERING shells into two magazines. 

Suddenly, he frantically pats himself down, like a Hollywood 
agent who can't find his phone. 



DEADPOOL 

Shiiit* My extra mags I I usually 
leave them right by the door so 
I'll trip over them! Som eone 
must've moved them... 



SMASH CUT TO: 



INT. DEADPOOL ' S APARTMENT - MORNING 



A sightless old WOMAN (whom we'll later learn is Deadpool 's 
roommate, BLIND AL) dusts the COBWEBS by the front door, 
TRIPS on the DUFFEL of AMMUNITION, PICKS UP the duffel, and 
CARRIES it OFF. 



SMASH CUT BACK 
TO: 



INT. /EXT. TAXI CAB - DAY ^ 



DOPINDER 
Shall we turn back? 



DEADPOOL 

No time. 

(slides in his last few 
bullets ) 

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen... or 
bust » 

(chambers a shell into 
each gun, looks up) 
Right here! 



The cab STOPS on the shoulder of the highest FREEWAY in a 
massive INTERCHANGE of freeways at the center of the city. 
Dopinder halts the meter and hands Deadpool hit* CARD* 



DOPINDER 
My card. That's twenty-seven- 
sixty. 



DEADPOOL 

Oooo. I never carry a wallet when 
I'm working* Ruins the lines of my 

suit - ^\ 
(MORE) ' 

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DEADPOOL (CONT'D) 

(beat) 

How 'bout a crisp high five? 

Dopinder stares, deadpan , as he and Deadpool slap skin* 
Deadpool GETS OUT of the cab. Dopinder tries to YANK his 
business card back and almost gets it, but Deadpool pulls it 
AWAY. 

DOPINDER 
Be sure to... ask for me again. 

DEADPOOL 
Merry Christmas! Dopinder. 

DOPINDER 
And a Merry Christmas to you, 
Pool. . . Guy. 

Deadpool closes the door with a flourish. Boom. 



EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY 

DEADPOOL sits on the edge of the highest freeway on the 
overpass, legs dangling over the side like Huck Finn. 

DEADPOOL 

I heard that you were talking shit. 
And you didn't think that I would 
hear it. 

ANGLE ON: 

A distant BIRD'S EYE VIEW of the entire freeway interchange: 
a crazy, looping, interwoven tangle of ramps headed to-and- 
fro every direction on the compass... 

DEADPOOL (O.S.) 
People hear you talking like that. 
Getting everybody fired up. 



EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY 

Moving along the second ramp from the top is the CONVOY from 
the prisons ONE BLACK ESCALADE in front, then TWO 
MOTORCYCLES , TWO MORE BLACK ESCALADES, TWO MORE MOTORCYCLES, 
and one final BLACK ESCALADE. 

DEADPOOL (O.S.) 
This shit... is bananas. 



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7. 



EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY 

DEADPOOL watchea from his spot on the edge as the convoy 
approaches • 

DEADPOOL 
B-A-N-A-N-A-S. 

He very CASUALLY gets up as if standing up out of an easy 
chair. . . 

...and DROPS an entire level DOWN,.. 

...THROUGH the WINDSHIELD of the first ESCALADE in the 
convoy. 

There are four HUGE BAD-ASSES inside the S.U.V., two in 
front, two behind. They stare, in SHOCK, as Deadpool lands 
on the center console in a HAILSTORM of GLASS. 

DEADPOOL 

Holal He llamo Gabriela. Donde 
esta la biblioteca? 

(subtitled, in YELLOW, of 
course : ) 

Hello . My name is Gabriela* Where 
ia the library? 

A beat. Then BOOM I MAYHEM ERUPTS as these four try to beat 
the living fuck out of Deadpool... 

...but find themselves sharing a phone booth with the 
TASMANIAN DEVIL. 

ELBOWS . FOREARMS . KNEES . CRACKING . CRUNCHING . SCREAMING . 

From BEHIND, the rest of the convoy WATCHES, in awe, as the 
Escalade BUCKS and BOUNCES down the road on its suspension, 
almost CARTOON-LIKE. 

DEADPOOL (O.S.) 
Tehema aniline leather? Premium 
trim. 

Back in the S.U.V., Deadpool trades VICIOUS PUNCHES with the 
pair in back seat... 

...then reaches forward between the two guys in front... 

DEADPOOL 



'Scuse. 

...and YANKS the EMERGENCY BRAKE. The S.U.V. DIVES FORWARD . 

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One guy FLIES all the way from the back seat*., THROUGH the 
remains of the windshield.** 

..•and off the HOOD. He EATS the CADILLAC HOOD ORNAMENT on 
his way off the front... 

...and then - THUMP-THUMP - gets RUN OVER by BOTH sets of 
wheels . 

DEADPOOL instantly RELEASES the EMERGENCY BRAKE again. The 
S.U.V. regains speed. 

Deadpool HURLS his next victim THROUGH the TAILGATE WINDOW . 

The man clutches onto the TAILGATE for dear life, DRAGGED 
behind the S.U.V. 

DEADPOOL leaps back in front. He WRESTLES VIOLENTLY with the 
guy in the PASSENGER SEAT... 

...somehow gets turned UPSIDE DOWN... 

. * * TRIANGLE-CHOKES the guy with his legs.,* 

.--GRABS the PASSENGER SEAT-BELT, WRAPS /TIES it around the 
guy ' s ANKLE . . . 

...and KICKS him out the PASSENGER SIDE DOOR. 

The guy's HEAD and SHOULDERS SMACK pavement, where he's 
DRAGGED mercilessly by his ANKLE - a modern COWBOY whose boot 
just got stuck in his horse's STIRRUP. 

Deadpool 's head is still down in the well under the GLOVE 
COMPARTMENT. 

The DRIVER starts BOOT-STOMPING him in the head. 

DEADPOOL 

You with the massive head trauma! 

Deadpool somehow RIGHTS HIMSELF and grabs the driver by the 
HAIR on the BACK of his HEAD. 

DEADPOOL 
Two can play! 

Deadpool begins BEATING the driver's FOREHEAD into shit as 
hard as he can: 

The horn. HONK. HONK. HONK. 

The side mirror. BASH. BASH. OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER 
THAN THEY APPEAR. 

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9, 



The stereo. Every time the driver's forehead SMACKS the face 
of the stereo again, the RADIO STATION CHANGES: 

DMX. 

DAVID ARCHULETA. 

DR. DREW on 'LOVE LINE. ' 

MARIACHI MUSIC. 

Deadpool looks in the REAR VIEW MIRROR to see the man in back 
CRAWL up the tailgate back into the S.U.V. 

Deadpool PUSHES in the Cadillac's CIGARETTE LIGHTER. 

Back to the DRIVER. Deadpool now BASHES his face into the 
SUNROOF . THUMP ♦ THUMP . THUMP . 

We're now ABOVE the Escalade, seeing the guy's expression 
take on a ridiculous silly-putty-esque grimace of pain every 
time it's MUSHED into the glass. 

The man in back scrambles over the back seats. 

The CIGARETTE LIGHTER POPS OUT. 

Deadpool MASHES the BRAKE PEDAL. The man in back LAUNCHES 
forward and SMACKS the DASHBOARD. 

Deadpool STABS the now ORANGE-HOT lighter into the man's 
cheek, BURNING the COIL PATTERN into his skin. 

The man SCREAMS. Deadpool STUFFS the lighter INTO the man's 
mouth and CLAMPS his hand over it. 

The man HOLLERS in muffled agony. 

Deadpool looks FORWARD. 

A MOTORCYCLE has pulled AHEAD of the ESCALADE and now sits, 
STOPPED, in the S.U.V. 's path. 

The helmeted RIDER OPENS FIRE with a SUB -MACHINE GUN. 

Deadpool has one hand grasped on the back of the driver's 
neck, still mashing his face into the sunroof, and the OTHER 
hand still clamped over the second man's mouth* 

He plants both FEET on the STEERING WHEEL and 'drives,' 
spinning the wheel to avoid the MOTORCYCLE, sending the 
S.U.V. into. . . 



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10. 



...a SPIN... and a ROLL. The Escalade goes ENDO, 
SOMERSAULTING WILDLY through the air. 

Suddenly, the ACTION BEGINS TO SLOW ... 

The motorcycle RIDER tries to bail out. NO LUCK. The 
tumbling Escalade PLOWS RIGHT INTO him AND his bike. 

Parts scatter off the motorcycle, including its CHAIN. 

The RIDER continues to SQUEEZE off ROUNDS as he goes FLYING. 

Inside the Escalade, Deadpool goes SPIN-CYCLE. 

The DRIVER'S face smashes THROUGH the glass of the sunroof, 
BLOOD spatters. 

The other man SPITS OUT the glowing CIGARETTE LIGHTER. 

The guy whose ankle is still tangled in the seat-belt FLAILS 
through the air like a rag-doll, AHAB tied to MOBY DICK. 

The action CONTINUES to SLOW . . . until it FREEZES in the 
PRECISE SPOT THE MOVIE BEGAN . 

The camera swoops in to Deadpool 's face, upside down. 

HE TURNS HIS HEAD TO CAMERA FOR THE FIRST TIME, BREAKING THE 
FOtTPTH wat.t. . THE ONLY THING IN THE SCENE THAT'S MOVING: 

DEADPOOL 

Shit. Did I leave the stove on? 

And we then RAMP back UP to FULL SPEED . The S.U.V. 
CARTWHEELS . 

The guy's ankle finally untangles from the seat-belt, sending 
him FLYING across the median into the WINDSHIELD of a SEMI 
coming the other way, 

SPLAT. He FLIES OUT OF FRAME. 

The RIDER'S NECK is SLICED by the flying CHAIN of his own 
MOTORCYCLE . 

The DRIVER is half-way out the SUNROOF when the S.U.V. rolls 
right OVER him. 

The man who ate the CIGARETTE LIGHTER gets a PAVEMENT FACIAL. 

The S.U.V. finally rolls to a halt, ON ITS SIDE, PASSENGER 
WINDOWS UP. 



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11* 



The rest of the CONVOY - THREE MORE MOTORCYCLES, THREE MORE 
ESCALADES - are forced to a HALT BEHIND the wreckage. 

A BUNCH of MEN PILE OUT, each one drawing a DIFFERENT BEASTLY 
KIND OF GUN and POINTING it STRAIGHT at the disabled S.U.V. 

The last noise is made by one final dislodged HUBCAP, which 
rattles in little circles until it lies FLAT on the freeway. 



TWO SILENT BEATS. 



Then we hear the soft, ELECTRIC BUZZ of the Escalade's middle 
passenger window ROLLING DOWN. 

Up pops the HEAD of DEADPOOL, like the GOPHER in Caddyahack* 

He rises out of the window until he's visible from CHEST UP* 
The thugs all STARE. 

DEADPOOL 

(to the thugs) 
You're probably wondering. Why the 
red suit? It's so if you shoot me, 
you can't see me bleed* 

(points to thug) 
This guy has the idea. He wore the 
brown pants* 

As Deadpool says this, he pulls out those TWO MASSIVE .50 CAL 
PISTOLS. . . 

...AIMING them at two thugs at right angles*.* 



DEADPOOL 
(to camera) 
All together now... 



* . .and OPENING FIRE* 



DEADPOOL 
(not saying this for show, 
really trying to keep 
count ) 
Eighteen. . i 

A SHELL-CASING is EJECTED from the first pistol. We enter 
EXTREME SLOW MOTION and SWOOP IN on the shell as it TUMBLES 
through the air... 

...revealing the number ' 00018 ' ETCHED in a semi-circle on 
its butt end. 

Deadpool FIRES the second pistol. We move instantly to the 
second shell: '00017' 

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12. 



DEADPOOL 
Seventeen. . . 

FULL SPEED. The first TWO THUGS EACH get a MOUTHFUL of 
BULLET. 

DEADPOOL 

Sixteen* . . 

ANOTHER SHOT. A THUG takes one in the HEART. 

CHAOS breaks loose as the thugs OPEN FIRE MERCILESSLY on the 
disabled S.U.V. 

Deadpool LEAPS UP and OUT of the window, rising ABOVE the 
incoming shots, then LANDING SAFELY BEHIND the Escalade. 

The motorcyclists HAUL ASS around him, trying to get a better 
shot. 

Deadpool runs right FOR one MOTORCYCLE, dodging bullets, then 
FIRING. 

DEADPOOL 

Fifteen . . . 

The bullet strikes the BIKE in right handlebar, causing the 
RIDER to lose control and FLY right TOWARD Deadpool. 

Deadpool DUCKS and fires a shot STRAIGHT UP, POINT-BLANK into 
the rider's FACE as he flies over. '00014' 

DEADPOOL 
Fourteen . * 1 

Three THUGS fire a VOLLEY of bullets. 

The MOTORCYCLE is still SOARING toward DEADPOOL, who GRABS it 
in mid-air and REDIRECTS it to DEFLECT the incoming slugs. 

Deadpool SPINS and FIRES at ANOTHER MOTORCYCLE bearing down 
on him. 

DEADPOOL 
Thirteen * * . twelve . . . 

Bullet thirteen hits the GAS TANK of the motorcycle, SPILLING 
its contents* 

Bullet twelve hits the PUDDLE of GAS, kicking off a SPARK... 

...that IGNITES it in a trail back to the bike, causing it 
(and the RIDER) to EXPLODE. 

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13, 



Deadpool hears a noise and TURNS. . - 

...to SPY the third RIDER BEARING DOWN ON HIM. Deadpool 
raises BOTH pistols. 

This RIDER ANTICIPATES the bullets and LEANS away from each 
slug. First left, then right, then left, 

THREE WASTED SHOTS: 

DEADPOOL 

E leven . Shit 1 Ten . Fuck ! Nine . 
Shit-fuck I 

The motorcycle WHIZZES PAST safely, firing bullets, FORCING 
DEADPOOL to dive UNDER an S.U.V. 

He pops up on the other side, right BEHIND a thug who's 
looking in the other direction. 

Deadpool SHRUGS and SHOOTS him in the BACK of the HEAD at 
POINT BLANK RANGE. 

DEADPOOL 

Eight. 

The shell tumbles to the ground, falls still. '00008' ^) 

Deadpool flings open the door of the Escalade and takes a 
thorough look inside. Whoever he's searching for is NOT 
THERE. 

Then Deadpool spies the REFLECTION of another THUG in the 
SIDE MIRROR. 

DEADPOOL 

Siete . 

Deadpool FIRES AT THE MIRROR. 

In SLO-MO, the bullet STRIKES the mirror at an OBLIQUE ANGLE 
and RICOCHETS perfectly INTO the thug who made the 
reflection. 

DEADPOOL 
Ha gusta siete. 

BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG. Deadpool is nearly BROUGHT DOWN by 
a particularly big thug with a particularly big AK-47. 

He dives behind another Escalade, takes a moment to search 

the interior through the windows - no luck... and then 

flinches as AK-47 bullets pass THROUGH the skin of the S.U.V. ^\ 

around him. ' 

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14. 



Deadpool scrambles AROUND the S.U.V. and FORWARD in a series 
of leaps and rolls, trying to close the distance to this guy 
through a WITHERING BARRAGE of fire. 

One of the AK's slugs SLICES a swath out of the mask on 
Deadpool 's head, SINGING his hair. 

DEADPOOL. 
Fuck. You . 

Deadpool finally springs out in FRONT of the thug. The thug 
pulls his trigger again, only to - CLICK - realize he's OUT 
of BULLETS. 

DEADPOOL 
Someone ' s counting. Six. 

Deadpool 's bullet CATCHES the thug in the throat, dropping 
him. '00006' 

Deadpool STRIDES past the fallen thug, pawing at his singed 
hair - ow - and then out of sheer, pumped-up ANGER... 

• . .turns and PUMPS TWO MORE SUPERFLUOUS BULLETS into him, 

DEADPOOL 

Five. Four. Stupid. Worth it. 

The WILIEST of the motorcycle riders makes another pass, 
FIRING. Deadpool ducks behind the S.U.V. again. 

Twenty yards away, a GROUP of thugs has CLUSTERED behind the 
final S.U.V. They're KNEELING to avoid being shot. One 
pulls out a HAND-GRENADE , RAISES HIS ARM, and THROWS. 

Deadpool sees the grenade MID-ARC and FIRES. '00003' 

DEADPOOL 

Three . 

The bullet is so precisely aimed, it SPLITS the GRENADE, 
DETONATING it just SHY of where Deadpool is standing. The 
fragments TEAR into the Escalade. 

Deadpool looks across to the far Escalade. Through the 
windows, he sees another kneeling thug RAISE his ARM to 
throw, GRENADE clutched in his FIST. 

DEADPOOL 
(chuckles) 
Number two . . . 

Deadpool FIRES, SHOOTING the GRENADE as it still sits in the 
thug's FIST. 

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15, 

BOOM! The whole CLUSTER of THUGS goes flying, 

Deadpool emerges from behind the S.U.V,, feeling victorious. 

He approaches the final S.U.V* and throws open the doors to 
search, expecting to find his target at last* 

But STILL... NO LUCK. 

Even worse, CLICK-CLACK. The distinctive COCKING of 
SHOTGUNS • 

Deadpool turns around to face a chilling sight: THREE final 
THUGS, standing in the middle of the freeway, lined up 
perpendicular to him, SHOULDER-TO-SHOULDER, each aiming a 
massive BENELLI COMBAT SHOTGUN * 

Deadpool raises a PISTOL. We ZOOM IN all the way through the 
CHAMBER to spy the last BULLET, POISED in front of the FIRING 
PIN: 

'00001' 

Deadpool thinks, then LEAPS and TWISTS forward and to the 
right . 

All three THUGS FIRE. SHOTGUN PELLETS SCATTER THROUGH THE 
AIR, JUST MISSING DEADPOOL... 

...WHO LANDS so that all three men, once perpendicular, are 
now parallel to him... 

...in A SINGLE-FILE LINE. 

DEADPOOL 

One . 

BOOM I We're with the FINAL BULLET as it HURTLES from the gun 
and passes THROUGH the first man's head.-. 

...then the SECOND man's head... 

...and SMACKS the third man in the forehead. 

This third man, the BIGGEST THUG YET, HITS the DECK, 

Deadpool puts his mouth to his pistol barrel, INHALES... 

...and then EXHALES smoke through the pores of his mask. 

DEADPOOL 
I'm touching myself tonight. 

But then, as if by magic, the thug STIRS... and STANDS UP. 

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16. 



The SLUG has LODGED partway in his FOREHEAD, having lost just 
enough momentum that it didn't make it all the way through. 

The thug sneers, plucks out the slug, wipes away some blood, 
and rolls up his SLEEVES* 

DEADPOOL 

Really7 Rolling up the sleeves? 

Deadpool reaches behind his back, and we hear the WONDERFULLY 
THRILING SOUND* . . 

...of STEEL BLADES being DRAWN* 

For the first time, out come Deadpool's TRADEMARK KATANAS... 
The thug's eyes widen as*.. 

* * .SWOOSH. . . the blades swing through the air and SKEWER him, 
under two different ribs and out the BACK* 

DEADPOOL (V.O*) 
I know what you're thinking*.. 

As they do, the action SLOWS, once again, to a FREEZE. 
Deadpool is in mid-slice, muscles bulging* 

DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
I'll bet he works out. So what If 
I ain pulling the double shift at 
the ab-factory? What if I do want 
my man menu to feature the shredded 
beef? Call it insecurity* But I 
haven't touched a carb since.** 



INT* FOYER - NIGHT - PAST 
Title: 5 Years Ago 

We're just inside the front door of an upper-middle class 
SUBURBAN HOME. 

GAVIN MERCHANT, a sleazy late-thirties DOUCHE, is in MID- 
ARGUMENT with an early-twenties, pimply-faced PIZZA DELIVERY 
GUY, whose nametag reads: JEREMY* 

MERCHANT 
Will it help if I slow down? I 
didn't. Order. The pizza* 



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17. 



JEREMY ' 
Thie 7348 Red Ledge Drive? 

(off nod) 
And you're... Mr* Merchant? 

MERCHANT 
The Mr. Merchant who didn't. 
Order. The fucking. Pissza. 

JEREMY 

Then who placed the call? 
WADE (O.S.) 

I did. 



The VOICE comes from over Merchant's shoulder. WADE WILSON 
(the future DEADPOOL), a handsome MAN, boyish for late 
twenties , steps forward from the living room. 

Merchant STARES , incredulous. 



WADE 

Pineapple and olive? 



Jeremy NODS. 

MERCHANT ' 
Who the fuck are you?! And what 
are you doing in my house?! 

Without even bothering to turn toward Merchant f Wade PULLS 
OUT A .50 CALIBER DESERT EAGLE PISTOL and nonchalantly AIMS 
it at him. 



Merchant and Jeremy both go pale. 



WADE 
(to Jeremy) 
Burnt crust? 



JEREMY 
God I hope not. 

(opens the box, winces) 
Words cannot express- 



WADE 

Relax, that's how I ordered it! 
Once you go black. You never go 
back. 

(takes pizza, hands over 
Visa) 

Put it on my card - his card. 



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18. 



MERCHANT 
( stammering ) 
Thia is about the poker game, 
right? I told Eddie... Listen, 
take whatever you want! 

JEREMY 
(to Wade) 
Uh. Sir? Before you do anything 
to him. Could I write myself a big 
tip? 

WADE 

(already munching) 
Jeremy, is it? 

JEREMY 

Yeah. 

WADE 
Wade Wilson. 

(quick fist bump) 
Jeremy, that's a no go on the tip. 
'Cause I'm not here for him. 

(LEVELS PISTOL AT JEREMY) 
I'm here for vou . 

Jeremy's eyes widen. 

WADE 

You by chance remember Meghan 
Orlovsky? Getting that right? 
Orlovsky? Orloskvy? Fuck, 
whatever, do you? 

Jeremy manages a timid little NOD. 

WADE 

Good. 'Cause she remembers you. 

Wade SMACKS the PISTOL into Jeremy's EAR, BLASTING him off 
his feet. 

Then STOMPS Jeremy's ADAM'S APPLE with his boot. 

MERCHANT 
(sotto voce) 
Boy did I dodge a bullet. 

WADE 
(to Merchant) 
Not out of the woods yet. You're 
rockin' a lotta Ed Hardy gear. 

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19. 



Wade HURLS Jeremy, FOREHEAD first, into the WALL* 

Jeremy moans and crawls around, bleeding onto the floor. 
Wade nudges the pizza box away with his foot. 

MERCHANT 
What exactly he do to her? 

Wade WHISPERS into Merchant's ear. Merchant winces. 

WADE 

And you're not gonna do it again, 
are you, Jer?l At least not... 

Wade picks up a chair and BELTS Jeremy in the TEETH. 

WADE 

. . .with teeth! 



INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - PAST 

WADE and MERCHANT sit on Merchant's couch, feet up on a 
coffee table. Wade is wearing Merchant's Ed Hardy FLAMING 
TIGER trucker cap. 

They finish the pizza, watching the NBA on TNT. 

WADE 

I really appreciate this, Mr, 
Merchant. Fuckers at Comcast cut 
off my cable. 

INT. /EXT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT - PAST 

We're on the wrong side of the proverbial TRACKS, where a 
grimy SIGN on a grimier brick building reads: 

' SISTER MARGARET'S SCHOOL FOR WAYWARD GIRLS.' 

Inside, WADE claims a BAR STOOL and waves over the joint's 
OWNER, 'PATCH.' Think Tom Cruise in 'Cocktail.' Then think 
the opposite. Patchiest beard ever. Thus the nickname. 

Wade slaps a YELLOW CARD on the bar. The card features an 
embedded SIM and the logo of a CYPRESS TREE. SCRAWLED 
underneath the tree is the name 'GARRETT, JEREMY. ' 

PATCH 

(hurt) 

You promised me some 'za. 



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20. 



WADE 

Sorry, Patch. I boxed it up for 
Ms. Orlvosky. Orlovosky? Fuck! 

Patch goes to the register. Scans the card. Peels off six 
ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS • Lays them out like a bank teller. 

PATCH 

So, Wade, what'll it be? 
WADE 

I'd love a blow job. 
PATCH 

We got that in common* 
WADE 

The drink, knuckle nut* Kahlua, 
Bailey's, whip cream? 

(slides back a hundred) 
And send it over to Flex. 

Patch follows Wade's gaze down to: FLEX, a BAD-ASS in a 
snakeskin jacket, a crowd gathered round him, mid-story. He 
too is holding a YELLOW CARD with SIM and CYPRESS TREE. 

FLEX 

So I got my Glock in his mouth, and 
he' s like. . . 

(mouth full) 
. . • ' I thought you guys had a code * ' 
And I was like, 'Yeah, no women. 
And I was almost fooled by your 
tits. But the moustache? i' Boom . 

The crowd CRACKS UP. Back to Wade and Patch, who's putting 
the finishing touches on the drink. 

WADE 
(to Patch) 
Oh* And tell him it's from Boothe. 

Patch follows Wade's gaze to the OTHER side of the bar, where 
BOOTHE sits. Leathery. Cowboy hat* Boothe's got some guy's 
fingers splayed out on the bar, jabbing A KNIFE POINT between 
them as fast as he can. 

PATCH 

Remind me what good comes of this? 
WADE 

Ever see Gallagher take a mallet to 
a melon? 

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21. 



Patch allows himself a tiny conspiratorial SMILE. 

SMASH CUT TO: 

WADE, in medium shot, giggling at the bar TV, watching 
GALLAGHER getting his ' SLEDGE -O-MATIC ' on, as... SMACK I BAM! 
A huge FIGHT goes on - OUT OP FOCUS - behind him. 

Wade finally turns around to watch. FLEX finishes off 
Boothe... then pours the BLOW JOB on top of him. 

A YOUNG MAN hurries over and leans over Boothe. WEASEL. 
Early 20's. Short. Geeky. Glasses. SHADIER than a REDWOOD 
FOREST. 

Weasel slaps Boothe 's cheek lightly, puts a mirror to his 
mouth, then stands. 

WEASEL 
Still kicking. 

The place 'oooooohs.' Near miss. 

Weasel bellies up next to Wade with a smile. 

WEASEL 

Six to one says you got Boothe in 
the dead pool. 

ABOVE Wade and Weasel, BEHIND the bar, is an ENORMOUS 
CHALKBOARD: 'Sister Margaret's DEAD POOL.' Below, a long 
LIST of NAMES. DOLLAR AMOUNTS to the right of the names. 
More NAMES to the right of the dollars. 

WADE 
(shakes head) 
Nah. I took Amy Winehouse. 

SMASH CUT TO: 



EXT. ALLEY - LONDON - NIGHT - PAST 

A laughing AMY WINEHOUSE PLUMMETS from a PUB DOOR in LONDON, 
CLUTCHING A BOTTLE OF ABSINTHE. 

AMY 
Wooooooooo I 

She TRIPS on the curb. SOMERSAULTS into the GUTTER. 



SMASH CUT BACK 

TO: ^ 



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22. 



INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT - PAST 

WADE 

Crazy bitch has the shelf life of a 
Suzy Q. 

WEASEL 
I still like my chances. 

Wade looks up at the board. Right after 'WADE.' Who's 
chosen 'WINEHOUSE*' Is 'WEASEL.' Who's chosen 'WADE.' 

WADE 

Weasel, you're the world's worst 
friend. Betting I'm gonna die? 
Tell you what, MF. I'm living to a 
hundred-and-two . Like those old 
Quaker women on the Today Show* 
Drinks on me, soldiers of fortune 1 

MERCENARIES 

Hoohaht 

WADE 
(to Weasel) 
Got six hundy burning a hole. 

VANESSA (O.S.) 
Whoa, whoa. 

A HAND curls around the side of Weasel's face, FORCING him 
away from the bar. The hand is... 

... attached to a girl. VANESSA. Brunette. Silver-blue 
eyes. Mid 20's. Tank. Ripped jeans. 

VANESSA 

Sure you wanna shoot your whole 
wad? 

Wade looks Vanessa up and down. Then holds up his PINKIE . 

WADE 

Tight. 

Vanessa raises her own pinkie. Shakes like a pinkie swear. 

VANESSA 

Vanessa. 

WADE 

I'm gonna go out on a limb here. 
You, uh, fuck people for money? 

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23. 



VANESSA 
Yeah. I do. 

WADE 

What, then? Rough childhood? 

VANESSA 
Rougher than you. 

(off Wade's skepticism) 
Dad left before I was born. 

WADE 

(beat) 

Dad left before I was conceived , 
VANESSA 

Ever had a cigarette put out on 
your skin? 

WADE 

(suddenly serious) 
Sorry. 

VANESSA 

Thanks. 

WADE 

No, I meant, sorry. Didn't know 
there was any other place to put 
out a cigarette. 

VANESSA 
I was molested. 

WADE 

Me too. Older brother. 

VANESSA 
Brothers. They took turns. 

WADE 

I watched my own birthday party 
from the keyhole of a locked 
closet, which was also my - 

VANESSA 

Bedroom? Lucky. I slept in a 
dishwasher box. 

WADE 

So you had a dishwasher 1 I didn't 
know sleep. It was pretty much 24- 
7 of ball gags, brownie mix, and 
funhouse mirrors. 

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24. 



VANESSA 
Who would do such a thing? 

WADE 

Hopefully you. Later tonight, 
(beat) 

Oh, and my Uncle Kevin. 

SMASH CUT TO: 

THE SOUNDS OF TIRELESS, ATHLETIC SEX* 



EXT. /INT . 'NO TELL MOTEL'- NIGHT - PAST 

A NEON SIGN flickers outside the 'NO TELL MOTEL, ' 

Inside, WADE and VANESSA go at it like RABBITS, 

VANESSA 
What was this called again? 

WADE 

'Grass Stains on the Lederhosen,' 
Next we'll try 'The Angry Pirate.' 
'The Arabian Goggles,' Maybe even 
'The Tobey Maguire.' 

VANESSA 

How long can you go on like this?! 

WADE 
(shrugs) 
All year?! 

We begin the sing-song melody of the Australian kid band 
phenom THE WIGGLES' 'ROCKING ON THE SEA.' And.,, 

DISSOLVE INTO: 

A MONTAGE of images: SEX around the CALENDAR between WADE 
and VANESSA/ identified by stereotypical costumes and 
accoutrements from each holiday.,, 

...and different WEATHER OUTSIDE the WINDOW. 

The pair has EASTER SEX (easter eggs, bunny ears). 

FOURTH OF JULY SEX (red, white, and blue bunting, sparklers). 

HALLOWEEN SEX ( jack-o^ lanterns ) . 

THANKSGIVING SEX (turkey legs, pilgrim hats). 

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And after every vignette, a shot of WADE dropping THREE 
HUNDRED MORE DOLLARS on the No Tell Hotel dresser. 



25. 



At last, the Wiggles fade out. And the last vignette in the 
montage turns into an actual SCENE: 



INT. NO TELL MOTEL - NIGHT - PAST 



A CHRISTMAS WREATH hangs on the motel wall. 

WADE walks out of the bathroom and strikes a pose, HANDS on 
HIPS. He's wearing a HORRIFYINGLY AWFUL CHRISTMAS SWEATER* 
And NO PANTS. 

Vanessa is sitting against the bed's HEADBOARD, SHEET pulled 
over her, up to her chin. 

She quickly lowers the sheet* Revealing an APPALLING 
CHRISTMAS SWEATER of her own. 



WADE 

If your left leg is Thanksgiving, 
and your right leg is Christinas, 
can I visit you between the 
holidays? 

VANESSA 

Y'know, red's your color. Brings 
out the bloodshot in your eyes. 

WADE 

As much as I'm looking forward to 
tacky Christmas sweater sex... 

Wade reaches behind. Pulls out a small ENGAGEMENT-RING-LIKE 
BOX. 



VANESSA 

You're not wearing pants. Where 
exactly were you hiding that? 



WADE 
Merry Christmas. 

Wade hands her the box and stands there with the look of... 
'Open it. Open it!' Vanessa OPENS the box. Inside; THREE 
MORE CRISP BENJAMINS* 

Vanessa smiles. 

VANESSA 
And now my gift to you. 

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26. 



She waits a beat, then hands Wade a hundred dollar bill back. 

VANESSA 

Holiday clearance sale. One third 
off, 

Vanessa is about to let that be the end of it. But... 

VANESSA 
Wait. Sorry. There's more. 

(a beat) 
I love you, Wade Wilson. 

Wade stares. Swallows. When he finds his words, they come 
out almost TIMID: 

WADE 

Thought you charged extra for that. 

VANESSA 
Used to. At my old job. 

Wade's eyebrows raise. He points between himself and Vanessa 
and back, as if to say, 'You and me? Exclusive?' 

She NODS. 

Wade BEAMS. For just one moment, his life is actually 
PERFECT. 

DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
Here's the thing. Life is an 
endless series of train-wrecks with 
only brief, commercial-like breaks 
of happiness. This.., had been the 
ultimate commercial break. Which 
meant it was time to return..* 

Wade TOSSES ASIDE his hundred dollar bill, TAKES A CONFIDENT 
STEP TOWARD THE BED... 

DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
...to our regularly scheduled 
program. 

. . . AND PASSES OUT ON HIS FEET . . . 

, . . FACE -PLANTING ONTO THE MOTEL FLOOR . 

FADE OUT AND UP 
ON: 



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INT. ONCOLOGY WARD - DAY - PAST 



27. 



WADE ia sitting in a doctor's office, VANESSA by his aide, 
opposite a solemn ONCOLOGIST. 

Every image taken in by the camera auggeats BAD NEWS: 

A COMPLEX looking MRI IMAGE of the CIRCULATORY SYSTEM on a 
BACKLIT VIEWING TABLE. 

SWEAT STAINS under Wade's arms. 

Vanessa GRIPPING Wade's hand. 

Worst of all: the LOOK on the DOCTOR'S FACE. 

DOCTOR 

People react to news of terminal 
cancer differently. 

DEADPOOL (V.O*) 
Believe it or not, this xb only the 
9th ahittie&t thing that'e ever 
happened to me* 

WADE TURNS AND ADDRESSES CAMERA: 

WADE 

Stick around. Number 6 ia coming 
right up. 

DOCTOR (O.S.) 
Mr. Wilson. Mr. Wilson I 

Wade SNAPS OUT OF IT, turning back to the doctor. 

DOCTOR 

I want you to take your time to 
process this. It 'a important not 
to do anything rash... 

SMASH CUT TO: 



EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY - PRESENT 

We're back in the PRESENT. The camera descends on the 
freeway overpass . . • 

...very RASHLY strewn with destroyed motorcycles and 
S.U.V.'s. DEADPOOL is still FROZEN where we last left him... 



THUG. 

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...stabbing his TWO KATANAS through the heart of the final 

VUTlfl f 

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28. 



DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
Now. If I were a two-hundred-fifty 
pound rancid Back of asshole with a 
penchant for ruining lives* Where 
would I hide? 

Deadpool turns his head ever-so-slightly WITHIN the frozen 
scene. We follow his gaze... 

...to the far shoulder of the freeway, where the final 
HELMETED MOTORCYCLE ESCORT, the WILY ONE who neatly dodged 
Deadpool' a bullets f is FROZEN in MID-WHEELIE as he begins to 
SPEED away. 

DEADPOOL 

Binao ■ 

The scene instantly RAMPS UP TO REGULAR SPEED . 

The MOTORCYCLE finishes its wheelie, LANDS, and screams AWAY 
in a cloud of BLUE SMOKE... 

...not forward on the freeway, but BACKWARD, into traffic, 
JAMMED BUMPER-to-BUMPER as far as the eye can see. 

Deadpool abandons his KATANAS and SPRINTS over to one of the 
fallen motorcycles - the one in the best shape. 

He jumps on board and STARTS the bike. 

DEADPOOL 
Maximum effort. 

Deadpool TWISTS the THROTTLE, POPPING a WHEELIE of his OWN 
and CHASING AFTER the mystery RIDER, 

The battle has caused various FENDER-BENDERS and MASS PANIC 
on the freeway. People are backing their vehicles up, trying 
to pull U-turns, etc., or abandoning their cars altogether. 

The MYSTERY RIDER WEAVES through this mess at BREAKNECK 
SPEED. 

DEADPOOL is hard on his tail, also WEAVING WILDLY. He pulls 
alongside, and the bikes begin to GLANCE OFF one another. 

The mystery rider HURTLES toward a SEDAN'S BUMPER. 

At the last second, he LIFTS his front wheel and drives up 
OVER the HOOD, WINDSHIELD, and ROOF. He LAUNCHES HIMSELF and 
his BIKE OVER the RAILING of the freeway and OFF the SIDE.,. 

. . .PLUMMETING DOWN to a curving elevated FREEWAY passing 
underneath at another angle. 

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29. 




DEADPOOL does the same, launching off a PRIUS and... 

...PLUNGING down onto the SAME freeway BELOW. 

Deadpool and his target are immediately BUFFETED by oncoming 
vehicles FLYING at them at tremendous speed. 



The rider's bike launches off another VEHICLE and LEAPS over 
a railing again... 

...down to the NEXT freeway, where traffic SAILS by in an 
entirely DIFFERENT direction. Deadpool CHASES. 

The motorcycles WAIL as they CASCADE down from ONE FREEWAY to 
the NEXT like CHROME WATERFALLS... 

Again, Deadpool finds himself breathing down the neck of the 
mystery rider. He PULLS ALONGSIDE. 

The two TRADE WICKED BLOWS, preoccupied with each other, 
failing to spot... 

...a WIDE-LOAD HOUSE-ON-THE-BACK-OF-A-TRUCK HURTLING TOWARD 
them. 



With nowhere to turn, they LEAP off their bikes, which 
CARTWHEEL UP and SMASH through the truck's windshield, 
pinning the DRIVER against his seat. 

The two adversaries SMASH through a WINDOW of the HOUSE... 
...and LAND in a LIVING ROOM full of cheesy FURNITURE. 
They stand on uncertain legs, look around. 



Boom! Deadpool TACKLES the mystery rider. As the TRUCK 
SWERVES down the freeway, the pair gets FLUNG around the 
house, tumbling into different ROOMS. 

The swerving of the truck doesn't affect the BRUTALITY of 
this fight. There is some SERIOUS, BONE-JARRING, BLOOD- 
LETTING VIOLENCE as Deadpool and the mystery rider... 

... spill into a quaint KITCHENETTE, fighting among hanging 
POTS and PANS. Deadpool smashes the rider's head through the 
glass window of a RONCO SHOWTIME OVEN. 



DEADPOOL 
This is fucked. Up. 




DEADPOOL 
I like what they did with the 
place. 



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30, 



DEADPOOL 
'Set it and forget it.' 

They tumble through a DINING SET and BRAIN themselves on a 
GAUDY CHANDELIER* 

They soar into a bathroom, CRUNCHING into a TOILET and 
MEDICINE CABINET, Pill bottles GO FLYING. DEADPOOL 'S head 
lands next to a spilled bottle of PAINKILLERS * He notices 
and POPS a COUPLE. 

They hurtle into a child's bedroom and wrestle among STUFFED 
ANIMALS and CHILDREN'S BEDDING. 

DEADPOOL 
_I had Gargamel sheets 1 

At last, the truck CRASHES into the edge of the freeway and 
the HOUSE RIPS off its MOORINGS and TUMBLES OVER THE SIDE. 

Deadpool's entire world goes SPINNING. 

The house SMASHES onto the next FREEWAY DOWN, and Deadpool 
and the RIDER are THROWN CLEAR, out a window and onto 
CONCRETE * 

The rider SHAKES OFF STARS and RUNS right into oncoming 
traffic . 

Deadpool CHASES him. 

Cars SPIN and CRASH. PEOPLE bail out. 

The rider draws two PISTOLS, but Deadpool ANKLE-TACKLES him. 
The PISTOLS go FLYING. 

Deadpool and the rider each scoop up a pistol. 

The RIDER opens a car door, grabs a LITTLE BOY, and holds his 
pistol to the boy's head. 

DEADPOOL REACTS by... 

...opening ANOTHER car door, grabbing a LITTLE GIRL, and 
holding HIS pistol to HER head. 

DEADPOOL 
(looks down, to girl:) 
Sweet kicks I Heelys? 

At last, the rider DITCHES the little boy, Deadpool DITCHES 
the little girl, who SLIDES back away on her HEELYS, 
terrified. 

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31. 



The two aim the PISTOLS at ONE ANOTHER. Stare each other 
down, fingers on triggers. 

But the rider doesn't notice a SEMI-TRUCK bearing down on him 
from behind. 



DEADPOOL 

This reminds me of my Peepaw. He 
used to love ice cream. But his 
doctors wouldn't let him eat it. 
So whenever anyone had a cone, he'd 
distract them and take a lick. 
Y'know, point over their shoulder 
and say something like... 

(pauses to time it right) 
'Look out behind you I' 

ON CUE, the rider gets BRAINED in the HELMET from BEHIND by 
the SIDE-VIEW MIRROR of the SEMI. 



Deadpool winces. 

Deadpool DRAGS the rider to the side of the freeway and PROPS 
him up against the railing. 

The rider COMES TO. Deadpool looms over him. 

DEADPOOL 
Always were a bit of a feeb, 
Francis . 

(off rider's reaction) 
Bells? No? How 'bout now ? 

Deadpool slowly peels OFF his mask, from the tip of his chin 
to the top of his head, revealing... 

...THE FACE OF THE FORMER WADE WILSON. HE'S NO LONGER A 
HANDSOME YOUNG MAN. 



HIS SKIN BEARS LARGE, UNNATURAL SCARS. 



The camera PUSHES in. 



FRANCIS (O.S.) 
Wade WilsonI Well, hello, 
gorgeous . 



DEADPOOL 
I know, like I got bit by a 
radioactive Shar-Pei. But whose 
fault is that? 

(grabs a fistful of 
Francis's lapel) 
(MORE) 

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32. 



DEADPOOL (CONT'D) 
I've been waiting for this day, 
Frannie. Like a tweenage boy waits 
to get up hia first lady pipes, 

Francis actually LAUGHS * 

DEADPOOL 
What's so funny? 

FRANCIS 
(from underneath helmet) 
Nothing. It's just... this reminds 
me of your Peepaw . 

Deadpool suddenly notices an enormous SHADOW passing over 
himself and Francis from BEHIND * He blinks. 

DEADPOOL 

Jesus H, Christ in low-rise jeans. 

Deadpool SPINS just in time to see a MASSIVE CHROME HAND grab 
him by the scruff of the neck and YANK him BACKWARD. 

Deadpool WHIPS through the air with sheer, violent FORCE. 
The action FREEZES AGAIN with him head-over-heels . . . 

DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
What'd I tell ya? Number 6! 

...in MID-AIR. 

MATCH CUT TO: 



INT. APARTMENT - DAY - PAST 

...a CLOSE-UP of a Deadpool ACTION FIGURE from 'Wolverine 
Origins.' Mouth sewn shut. Blades implanted into the 
wrists. In the exact same POSE we just saw the real 
Deadpool . 

HADE (O.S.) 
A little piece of me curled up and 
died the day this came out. 

We PULL OUT to reveal that Wade is referring NOT to the 
action figure, but to WHAM! 'S 'Music From the Edge of Heaven' 
LP, which he is now holding. 

He tosses the LP into a near-full TRASH CAN, right on TOP of 
the Deadpool action figure. 



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34, 



VANESSA 
One outta three ain't bad, 

WADE 

I'd aay it. Then I'd forget it, 
all before that first pop tart was 
down- 'Til just the other day, I 
realized... One: there 'd be no 
more Pop Tarts. Two: Shit 
probably gave me cancer. And 
Three: 

VANESSA 
( nods , knowing ) 
You'd have to say goodbye to the 
girl-without-the-penis . 

WADE 

You're not watching me die. You'll 
thank me later- When the me you 
remember * * . is me me. 

VANESSA 

Fine* But if by some miracle you 
make it through this , . . 

WADE 

I'll boom-box 'Careless Whisper' 
under your window. Ridgeley's 
tight as a pussy on that one* 

Vanessa holds our her pinkie. Deal? Wade 'shakes' it with 
her own. Like the day they first met. 

VANESSA 

There is someone I want you to meet 
before I go. 

Wade raises an eyebrow. Vanessa practically JUMPS him* 
Flips OFF the LIGHT with her foot. 

BLACK. 

WADE {O.S.) 
Big fan of your work, Mr. Maguire. 

FADE UP ON: 



EXT. INDIAN SLUM - DAY - PAST 

WADE, disheveled, unshaven, sits outside a tiny Pseudo-Pranic 
'Healing Center' in BANGALORE, INDIA* 

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35. 



Reading Mitch Albom's 'TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE , ' In HINDI: 
'Mangalavara Morrie Ke Satha.' 

A SHADY -LOOKING MAN pokes his head out, then motions Wade in. 



INT. 'HEALING CENTER' - DAY - PAST 

WADE submits to horrifying indignities inside, where a ONE- 
EYED OLD MAN strings a SNAKE up by its neck, then SLICES OPEN 
its BELLY from mouth to tail* 

The BLOOD and RUNOFF gushes down into Wade's WAITING MOUTH, 
WADE GAGS and RETCHES. 

EXT. CHINESE FARM - NIGHT - PAST 

WADE continues with his futile guest, now on a farm outside 
SHAOSHAN, CHINA. 'Zhouer Xiangyue Morrie' peeks out of his 
backpack. 

Wade's health has clearly DECLINED. He is kneeling, bent 
over a SMALL FIRE. An old PEASANT WOMAN tosses VARIOUS 
exotic WEEDS /HERBS /STALKS /LEAVES onto the fire, one-by-one. 
Wade INHALES the SMOKE, 

He COUGHS VIOLENTLY, EYES WATERING, SUFFERING INTENSELY. 

DOCTOR (O.S.) 
(sing-song) 
Proximo I Next ! 



INT. GUADALAJARAN WAITING ROOM - DAY - PAST 

WADE is now even more DESPERATE . Among the MOST DESPERATE, 

He sits in a pathetic muzak- filled WAITING ROOM in 
GUADALAJARA, MEXICO, Reading 'MARTES CON MI VIE JO PROFESOR 
DE MORRIE.' Wearing a SOMBRERO, 

Wade turns to the sweet ELDERLY COUPLE sitting next to him, 
ekes out a smile. 

WADE 

(pulls out Spanish-English 
electronic translator) 
De donde eres? 

ELDERLY WOMAN 
Boca Raton. 

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36. 



WADE 

Ah. The fancy part of Mexico. 

(beat) 
Cancer? 

ELDERLY MAN 

Stage 4. 

WADE 

Toughest part of the Tour de 
France. Very hilly. 

DOCTOR (O.S. ) 
(sing-song) 
Proximo! Next! 

A MOTHER and her stoic young SON sign in with the 
RECEPTIONIST. The boy has lost all his HAIR. 

RECEPTIONIST 
No cheques de viajero. No pesos. 
Cash . Americano . In . . . advance . 

She hands the haunted boy a cardboard BOX filled with 
CHUPACHUPS (lollipops). The boy takes one. Then reaches for 
a SECOND. 

NURSE (O.S.) 
Uno chupachup, por favor I 

A NURSE has walked into the waiting room just long enough to 
chastise the boy before checking a CHART. 

NURSE 

Senor... Abe Solomon? 

ABE and his WIFE get up. The nurse motions for Mrs, Solomon 
to stay in the waiting room. 

ABE 
(to Wade) 
Good luck to you, young man. 

Wade, for one time and one time only, is genuinely SINCERE: 

WADE 

Good luck to you . 

Abe gives his wife a kiss, lovingly rubs her cheek. And 
follows the nurse. 



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37. 



INT, OPERATING ROOM - DAY - PAST 



ABE lies on a very UNSANITARY operating table . His shirt is 
off. A MAN with a pock-marked face stands over him in a 
white lab coat with blue-stitched cursive writing: 'Dr. 
Delgado . ' 

'Doctor' Delgado pokes and prods with his fingers, as if 
Abe's mid-section is yellow Play-Doh. 

DOCTOR 

Buenos dias, Senor Abe. Voy a 
llegar dentro de tu cuerpo. 

ABE 

I'm sorry. No hablo espanol, doc. 

The doctor snaps on rubber gloves. Covers Abe's eyes with 
one hand. Then surreptitiously reaches down into a BUCKET of 
CHICKEN INNARDS hidden at his feet. 



The doctor's hand plunges 'inside' Abe's chest* BLOOD 
spatters the linoleum floors. 



DOCTOR 
De que se cure! 

The doctor holds SMELLING SALTS under Abe's nose. Abe 
SPRINGS UP to the sight of the doctor's gloved hand CLUTCHING 
a huge, bloody 'TUMOR. ' 



DOCTOR 

Senor Abe, you are cured. 

{tosses tumor and glove) 
Proximo I Next 1 



A dazed Abe shuffles out f replaced shortly by... 

. * .WADE, Dr. Delgado almost FLINCHES at the sight of this 
decidedly dangerous -looking man. The NURSE hands over a 
chart r and the doctor regains his composure and SMILE. 



DOCTOR 
Senor Wilson! 



The nurse exits. Wade eyes the doctor. Eyes the situation 
slowly. Then CLOSES the door behind himself. 



INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY - PAST 



The MUZAC still plays. The little BOY feeds the remainder of 

his CHUPACHUP to a CAT lurking under his chair. ^ 



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38, 



Then: 

WADE (O.S.) 
(sing-song) 
Proximo 1 Next! 

The NURSE reappears and leads the MOTHER and her BOY down the 
hall to the operating room. 

She OPENS the door and immediately lets out a CRY, stabbing 
out her arm to prevent the mother and boy from seeing that,** 

DOCTOR DELGADO is lying shirtless on the operating table: 

WADE has one hand firmly CLAMPED over the doctor's mouth,.* 

•••and the other BURIED past the wrist in the doctor's CHEST. 

Wade is sucking on TWO Kiwi Strawberry Chupachups. 

Wade pulls out his hand, in which he holds the doctor's STILL- 
BEATING HEART. Wade's eyes are LIT UP with menace. 

WADE 
All better. 

(shows her his lollipops) 
Cool if I took dos Chupachups? 

DISSOLVE TO: 



EXT. VANESSA'S APARTMENT - DAY - PAST 

WADE, a shell of his former self, watches an oblivious, 
lonesome VANESSA through the window of her first-floor 
apartment . 

At last, he sheepishly drags himself to the front door. He 
squares his shoulders, trying to muster his courage: 

WADE 

Maximum effort. 

But try as he might, he can't make himself knock. He turns 
heel. And SLINKS AWAY . 



INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT - PAST 

Just another night at SISTER MARGARET'S WAYWARD SCHOOL FOR 
GIRLS. A CROWD cheers as FLEX and BOOTHE ARM-WRESTLE over 
two LIT BLOW-TORCHES. 



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39. 



WADE is too exhausted even to notice. He's bellied up to the 
bar, resigned to his fate. PATCH leans in: 

PATCH 

Someone needs a blow job. And a 
shower. Though courtesy calls for 
the latter first. 

WADE 

Three shots of Patron Silver. And 
a cure to terminal cancer. Tell ya 
what, Patch. Make it the whole 
bottle. Put it on Weasel's tab. 

WEASEL 
(already approaching) 
Dickbag says what? 

WADE 

You're about to be... 

(turns, checks deadpool 
board) 

...twenty-eight-hundred dollars 
richer . 



WEASEL 
(excited) 
Shut. Upl Woohool That's awe- 
(goes to high five, 
realizes ) 
*-ful. You're that sick? 



Wade swigs from the bottle. 



WADE 

And to think Amy Winehouse becomes 
a free agent. 



SMASH CUT TO: 



EXT. LONDON - NIGHT - PAST 

AMY WINEHOUSE is piggybacking some DUDE in a fedora outside a 
London RAVE. She drunkenly knocks his fedora over his eyes, 
causing him to TRIP. The two FACE-PLANT. 

SMASH CUT BACK 
TO: 



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40. 



INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT - PAST 

Out of nowhere, a Crispin-Glover-like RECRUITER appears at 
the bar on the other aide of WEASEL. 

RECRUITER 
(to Weasel) 
Can you please excuse us? 

WEASEL 
Who the fuck are you? 

The recruiter hands Weasel a FIFTY DOLLAR BILL* 

WEASEL 

Pleasure to meet you, President 
Grant * 

The recruiter sits next to Wade. 

RECRUITER 
Wade Wilson? 

Wade up-and-downs him. He's wearing ALL BLACK. 

WADE 

You forget your sickle? 

RECRUITER 
My employer offers you his deepest 
sympathies for your illness. We've 
kept tabs on you, Mr. Wilson. Our 
records show you're a fighter. And 
not just on behalf of Uncle Sam, 
impressive as your service was. Do 
you want to die here without a 
whimper? 

Wade stares. 

RECRUITER 
Or do you want to be a super-hero ? 



EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY - PRESENT 

We rejoin DEADPOOL in the PRESENT, FROZEN in mid-tumble on 
the freeway, a big, CHROME FIST YANKING him away from FRANCIS 
by the SCRUFF of the neck, 

DEADPOOL (V*0*) 
Let's pro-con this super-hero 
thing* Always been kind of a list 
guy, • . 

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41. 



We ramp up to REGULAR SPEED . Deadpool is TOSSED 
unceremoniously through the air onto concrete. 

DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
Super-heroes pull down a ton of 
ass: Definite pro* Local dry- 
cleaning discounts. Lucrative 
movie career* Pro* Pro* 

Standing over him is a TOWERING SILHOUETTE that both BLOTS 
OUT the sun and REFLECTS it blindingly* 

DEADPOOL (V*0,) 
On the con side: Super-heroes? 
Fucking teacher's pets* 

The camera rises from foot to forehead... 

COLOSSUS 
Come on, man, I can hear you, 

.••of the X-Men's COLOSSUS . A GOOD-NATURED GIANT with CHROME 
METAL FOR SKIN. BIG AS A BARN. OTHER-WORLDLY STRONG. 

Also, Russian. No sense of humor whatsoever. CHIN JUTTING . 
FISTS ON HIPS. The picture of squeaky-clean EARNESTNESS. 



DEADPOOL 



Colossus! 



COLOSSUS 
Deadpool. I need you to come 
quietly . 

A beat. 'Quietly*' Deadpool can't suppress a tiny nasal 
stream of LAUGHTER. 

DEADPOOL 
I'll bet the halls of your high 
school were very well monitored* 

COLOSSUS 
I'll use force if necessary. 

DEADPOOL 

You... brown-nosing beef-wit. You 
big, chrome cock-bobber! You're 
really gonna fuck this up for me?! 

(re: Francis) 
You know I don't go at someone this 
hard unless they've got it coming! 
Besides, no one's getting hurt! 

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42. 



On cue, BEHIND Deadpool, a CRASHED CAR that's TEETERING on 
the next^higher freeway FALLS DOWN to this freeway - BOOM! 

From inside the car, the DRIVER MOANS, in PAIN, 

Deadpool slowly turns around to LOOK, then turns back. 

DEADPOOL 
You've heard the whole make-an- 
omelette, break-some-eggs bit7 

FRANCIS 
That was my line! 

COLOSSUS 

Wade, you showed great potential, 

DEADPOOL 
Yeah, I read my report cards. 

COLOSSUS 
With qualities like yours, you 
could have joined us. Been a super- 
hero . 

DEADPOOL 

Tell ya what* The day I decide to 
become a crime -fighting shit- 
swizzler who rooms with 44 other 
little whiners at the Neverland 
mansion of some creepy old bald 
Heavens -Gate-looking mother- 
fucker... on th a t day... I'll send 
your shiny, happy asa a friend 
request. 'Til then, I'm gonna do 
what I came here to. Either that 
or slap the bitch outta you. 

{off Colossus's frown) 
That count as quietly? 

COLOSSUS 

I like you, Wade, you're funny. I 
mean, other people I admire think 
you're funny, so even though I 
don't get you, I trust their 
opinion. The point is, this is 
going to hurt me more than it hurts 
you. 

DEADPOOL 
No fucking shit, Charlene, I 'ma 
pound your ass. 

(raises fists) 
Put 'em up, puss-in-boots. 



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43. 

DEADPOOL (CONT'D) ^ 
Francis, I hope you're watching, 
Francis. .? 

But FRANCIS has taken the opportunity and SCRAMMED. 

Deadpool turns back to Colossus with a LOOK that could KILL: 

DEADPOOL 
That does it. 

DEADPOOL BUM-RUSHES Colosaus and POUNDS him across the face 
with a brutal fist... CLANG... 

...instantly BREAKING his own WRIST. 

DEADPOOL 
Ooooo-rlando Jones. 

Deadpool fires an UPPERCUT with his OTHER FIST... BANG... 

...BREAKING that wrist, too. 

DEADPOOL 



Gah. 

Deadpool backs off Colossus and holds up two little limp 
wrists like an effeminate boxer. 

DEADPOOL 
I promise. This gets worse for 
you. 

Colossus SIGHS. Deadpool CIRCLES him. 

DEADPOOL 
(re: useless wrists) 
All the dinosaurs feared the T-Rex. 

Deadpool abandons the use of his arms and throws a ROUNDHOUSE 
KICK at Colossus. He... CRACK... 

...BREAKS HIS OWN ANKLE. It's suddenly BENT at an entirely 
INAPPROPRIATE ANGLE. 

Deadpool GRIMACES as he tries to BEND his ankle back to 
straight with two already damaged hands. 

DEADPOOL 
You're on my last nerve. 

The ankle turns in a FULL CIRCLE. CRAAACK. Now it's headed 
in a DIFFERENT direction... just as WRONG. 



So he starts to HOP. 

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44. 



DEADPOOL 

I'd do 'Just a fleah wound!' from 
Holy Grail, but I can't be that 
guy. 

COLOSSUS 
You have the right to remain 
silent. And I really wish you 
would. 

DEADPOOL 

Never- I 

B00M1 The word isn't even out of Deadpool's mouth when 
Colossus HITS him with a RIGHT HOOK so HARD, so DEVASTATING, 
that Deadpool's chin leads his body in a TWIST as blinding as 
a twirling figure skater. 

Deadpool's VERTEBRAE CRACK like Styrofoam bubbles from neck 
to coccyx. 

He bites asphalt, dazed. 

Colossus PICKS HIM UP like a bag of flour and HEAVES him into 
one of the wrecked TRUCKS, FACE-FIRST. SMASH I 

Deadpool WRITHES on the ground like an earthworm with a hook 
through it. Colossus grabs Deadpool by the BUSTED ANKLE with 
both hands, SPINS in CIRCLES like he's performing a HAMMER 
THROW. . . 

...and WHIPS him into a BUS. CRUNCH 1 

Deadpool now lies MOTIONLESS/ SPREAD-EAGLED on the concrete. 

Colossus walks over and pulls out a MODIFIED SET OF 
HANDCUFFS. He slaps ONE CUFF on his own wrist... and the 
OTHER on Deadpool's. 

Then Colossus raises his arm and CARRIES Deadpool by the 
cuffs . 

Deadpool dangles in mid-air by the wrist. He realizes what's 
happened: 

DEADPOOL 

Dead or alive. You're coming with 
me. 

COLOSSUS 

You'll recover, Wade. You always 
do. 



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45. 



DEADPOOL 
(looks around) 
Not on your watch.** 

Deadpool SUDDENLY executes an AMAZING maneuver, quickly 
KICKING OFF Colossus 'a torso with his one good foot and 
SWINGING in a circle until he HANGS over the EDGE of the 
FREEWAY RAILING. 

There is still one more freeway BELOW this one, some forty 
feet down. 

Before Colossus can react, Deadpool WHIPS OUT a KNIFE... 

... AND STARTS CUTTING OFF HIS OWN ARM ABOVE THE CUFF ON HIS 
WRIST . 

COLOSSUS 
(dry-heaves) 
Oh, man I Why! 

Deadpool keeps CUTTING. It's more difficult, GRISLY work 
than he first realized, but by the time Colossus reaches with 
his other fist to stop him..* 

...he cuts THROUGH... 

...leaving Colossus cuffed to a SEVERED hand and wrist. 

THE NOW ONE-HANDED DEADPOOL FALLS BACKWARD OFF THE FREEWAY * * . 

...toward the freeway BELOW, where a FLAT-BED TRUCK speeds by 
at EIGHTY MILES AN HOUR. 

He LANDS right in the BED of the truck. On the SMACK, we*.* 

SMASH CUT TO: 



INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 

The PAST AGAIN. A sickly WADE, covered only by a FLIMSY 
HOSPITAL GOWN, is SHOVED BACKWARD onto a STRETCHER and 
WHEELED through an old HOSPITAL WARD. 

The 'Workshop,' as Wade's new home is affectionately called, 
has been converted from this old ward into a working 
LABORATORY. 

WADE is being wheeled through a vast room containing two rows 
of tall individual 'tents,' each containing an experimental 
SUBJECT, 



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46, 



A FELLOW PATIENT, a pathetic, terrified little man named 
WORM, is wheeled past Wade, restrained on another STRETCHER. 
Worm briefly locks eyes with Wade, but quickly moves on by. 

The tents are illuminated by BLINDING overhead lights. And 
filled with GRUESOMELY INTIMIDATING MEDICAL EQUIPMENT* 

Wade is wheeled into the particular tent that is his new 
home. 

The THREE FIGURES who were pushing Wade now DUMP him from the 
stretcher onto a CHROME OPERATING TABLE. They LOOM over him, 
roughly STRAPPING him down. 

WADE 

My first request? A warmer table. 

(shivers) 
And warmer hands, fellas. 

Wade DOUBLE-TAKES at the sight of the two forearms /hands 
clamped to his left wrist. They're not f lesh-and-blood, but 
ROBOTIC APPENDAGES, attached above the elbow to GARRISON 
KANE, a sadistic male orderly. 

Kane also has robotic prosthetic legs and a bionic EYE. 

WADE 

Lose your sense-of-humor with all 
the other parts? 

Forcing Wade's right arm down is SLUGGO, a superhumanly sized 
and muscled GOON, running 6 '9", 400 pounds easy. 

WADE 

And you're the brains? 

A THIRD orderly has been overseeing the other two, a wiry 
little anger-management candidate named WYRE. 

There's an UNLIT MATCHSTICK protruding from Wyre's teeth at 
all times. It's his idea of a TOOTHPICK, and he occasionally 
replaces it from a MATCH-BOX he keeps in his shirt pocket. 

WADE 
{ re ! match ) 
Choad substitute? 

Wyre THROTTLES Wade around the Adam's apple. 

WYRE 

Shut the fuck up. 

Wyre magically spools INORGANIC THREAD from the TIPS of his 
FINGERS, tying Wade's NECK tight to the table* 

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47. 



WADE 

Fine, But you'll tell me when I'm 
a super- hero? 

AJAX (O.S.) 
Sure we will, Wade. 

The other three men RECEDE from the tent, replaced by AJAX, 
the face of the Workshop, a highly unsettling man - whip- 
smart, tightly coiled, with cool, dead blue eyes, 



WADE 

Can I expect turndown servi- ? 

BOOM! Ajax violently GAGS Wade with a length of SURGICAL 
TUBING, tying it so tightly under the table that Wade's head 
is perfectly IMMOBILIZED. 



AJAX 
You're a talker. 



Wade's eyes are suddenly wide. WTP? 



AJAX 

Wade, my name is Ajax, I manage 

the Workshop* This speech used to ^% 
be full of euphemisms like 'You may 1 
feel some discomfort,' and 'This 
might hurt a little,' But I've 
grown blunt. 



Ajax SHARPENS a scalpel. 



AJAX 

The Workshop is a private 
institution tasked with turning 
reclamation projects like yourself 
into men of extraordinary 
abilities. If you think cancer 
cures painlessly, you're wrong. If 
you think super-human powers are 
acquired painlessly, wrong. 



Ajax touches Wade's skin with the end of the scalpel, 
pressing here and there... just SHY of hard enough to draw 
blood. 



AJAX 

You've heard the whole make-an- 
omelette, break-some-eggs bit? I'm 
about to hurt you, Wade. The kind 
of hurt I can't describe and you 
can't prepare for. You're gonna 
feel it your cells. In your heart. 

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48. 



AJAX (CONT'D) 



It's cruel stuff. It is* And 
there's no way out for you* No 
secret you can tell me to stop. No 
soft spot in my heart to appeal to. 
The facts are. You're gonna lie 
there* And I'm gonna torture you 
stupid . 



Ajax starts to TURN AWAY, but stops* 



One more thing* What's the ad? 
'I'm not just the president. I'm a 
client?' I once lay where you lie* 
The Workshop used a microscopic 
torch to cauterize every nerve 
ending in my body* Imagine what 
that was like. But thanks to the 
procedure, I no longer feel pain* 
Shit. .. 

(toothy smile) 
***I no longer feel anything. 



Wade reacts by SAYING something - made completely GARBLED and 
UNINTELLIGIBLE by the surgical tubing in his mouth* 

Ajax stares. Wade REPEATS it. 

Ajax suddenly uses the scalpel to SLICE the surgical tubing. 
It SNAPS to either side, FREEING Wade to TALK. 



Ajax smiles WITHOUT opening his mouth this time. Then walks 
out of the tent. 

Outside the tent, Ajax hesitates, then can't help but check 
his teeth in the reflection of a chrome tray* 



Made you lookl Hey, is Ajax your 
real name? 'Cause it sounds 
suspiciously made up. What's it 
really? Steve? Mark? Todd? 
Kyle? 



Ajax finds himself staring at KANE, SLUGGO, and WYRE in the 
larger ward. Wyre chews his MATCH with interest. 



AJAX 



WADE 

Got something in your teeth. 



WADE (O.S.) 



WADE (O.S.) 



Larry? Elliot? 




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Ajax almost turns around, rising to Wade's bait, then thinks 
better of it * 

AJAX 
(to Wyre) 
Pull down his mirrors. 

We take WADE'S POINT-OF-VIEW as KANE, SLUGGO, and WYRE re- 
enter frame above him. . . 

..•holding outrageously creepy medical tools. One looks 
suspiciously like a CIRCULAR-BLADED DELI HEAT SLICER* 

WADE 

I'll take the pastrami on 
pumpernickel . 

Wyre turns ON the slicer, which makes that familiar WHINE* 

WADE 

(a la the Verizon ads) 
Am I a super-hero now? 

The slicer lowers toward camera, Wade SCREAMS, and we 
begin. . . 



INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT/DAY - MONTAGE - PAST 

...a MONTAGE of Wade's treatments in the workshop**. 

♦..set to the sentimental notes of JOHN DENVER'S 
inspirational classic, 'I WANT TO LIVE. * Verses like this**. 

JOHN DENVER 
Have you gazed out on the ooean? 
Seen the breaching of a whale? 
Have you watched the dolphins 
frolic in the foam? 

...juxtaposed with HARROWING VIGNETTES of KANE, SLUGGO, WYRE, 
and AJAX experimenting on WADE to within an inch of his 
life . . . 

...as he GASPS, CLAWS, SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER* 

Wade is INJECTED with NEEDLES as long as car antennae. 

OPENED UP by appendages of Kane's that look like giant 
DENTIST ' S TOOLS. 

DUNKED into thick, molasses-like LIQUID. 



49. 



WHEELED down the ward, past the tormented man named WORM* 

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50. 



PULLED and YANKED by contraptions that would have shamed the 
Spanish Inquisition. 

SAWED . COMPRESSED . 

SLICED . DICED . SLAP-CHOPPED . 

BLED. SCARRED, 

JOHN DENVER 
I want to live, I want to grow. I 
want to see, I want to know. I 
want to share what I can give. I 
want to be*.* I want to live! 

We also see SHORT, ULTRA-FAST MINI -MONTAGES of simpler 
medical images - liquid plunging into syringes , surgical 
tubing tying tight, scalpels slicing, needles sewing, staple 
guns puncturing, veins throbbing - which punctuate the 
vignettes, implying the PASSAGE of TIME. 

During the vignettes, Wade keeps gamely asking his tormentors 
the same question, with disturbingly less strength and energy 
each times 

WADE 

Am I a super-hero now? 

(later) 
How 'bout now? 

(later) 

Am I a super-hero now? Now? 

JOHN DENVER 
I want to be... I want to live! 

At last, Wade is laid back down on his chrome table, not 
unlike when he first arrived at the workshop, only now in 
QUIET DARKNESS, and WITHOUT ANY RESISTANCE whatsoever. 

WADE 

(distant, meek, in the 
dark) 

Can you hear me now? 

To finish the sequence, we take Wade's POINT-OF-VIEW again. 
A KINDLY- looking DOCTOR enters the room and gazes down on 
him. 

The doctor is almost avuncular, sporting thick glasses and a 
protruding belly. 

He gently brushes the hair off Wade's forehead. 



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51. 



DOCTOR 
You can rest now. Rest. 

WADE 

Thanks . . . Doc < 

Wade's eyelids FLUTTER, then CLOSE, plunging us into BLACK. 
INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 

AJAX, GARRISON KANE, SLUGGO, and WYRE push WORM on a 
stretcher through the Workshop, in between the rows of tents. 

WORM 

Kill me. I can't go on like this. 
P-please? 

AJAX 

Worm, I'm the only one allowed to 
give up on you. 

Suddenly, a VOICE calls out from a passing tent: 

WADE (0*S.) 
ip, Worml H 
he be? Name like Francis . 

Ajax is very subtly SURPRISED. WHAT did Wade just say? 



Fuck him up, Worml How tough can 



WADE is INSIDE his tent. Strapped to his table. Talking 
nice and LOUD NOW: 

WADE 

That's right! He got 'Ajax' off a 
dish-washing liquid 1 Legal name's 
Francis. F-R-A-N-C^I~Shit? 1 

Wade is suddenly addressing AJAX, who has ENTERED Wade's 
tent. Ajax's expression tells us all we need to know about 
the validity of Wade's claim. AJAX and the 'FRANCIS' from 
the FREEWAY. . , 

...are ONE and the SAME* 

With as much freedom of motion as he has in one hand, Wade 
WAVES a STUB of PAPER at Francis. 

WADE 

Dry-cleaning tag, Francis. Snagged 
it off your lab coat, 
(beat) 

FYI. I may be able to get you a 

discount . 1 

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52. 



CLOSE-UP on the tag, which reads 'FREEMAN, FRANCIS, ' 

WADE 

Here's the problem with round-the- 
clock torture* You can't really 
step it up from there. I figured, 
why behave? Whatever. , . Francis. . . 
does to me can't get any worse. 



AJAX 

la that what you think? 
WADE 

Yes. Francis. That's what I 
think. 



SMASH CUT TO; 



INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 



GARRISON KANE, SLUGGO, and WYRE finish attaching multiple 
ELECTRODES to WADE's head and chest. Wade is now STRAPPED to 
a HOSPITAL BED that's entirely ENCASED in a large CAPSULE of 
PLEXIGLAS. 



The top half of the capsule is hinged to one side, OPEN, 
allowing the orderlies access to Wade. 



AJAX supervises: 



AJAX 

The idea for this recently came to 
me. I don't have a name for it. 



Various WIRES and TUBES run out of the capsule... 

...connected to OXYGEN TANKS, OXYGEN DIALS, and a MONITOR 
that tracks BRAIN-WAVES and HEART-RATE. 



AJAX 

The trick is to lower the oxygen 
concentration in Wade's air to the 
exact point he feels like he's 
suffocating. If his brain waves 
slow, meaning he's about to pass 
out, we turn up the 02. If his 
heart rate slows , meaning he's able 
to catch his breath, we turn it 
back down. And then we leave him. 
Right . There . 

WADE 

Urn. What? 

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54. 



But Wade gathers himself long enough to MOUTH one silent word 
to Ajax; 

WADE 

Fran-cis - 

Wade's resolve vanishes with the rest of the oxygen, until 
he's merely making pathetic '0' f s with his mouth, like a PISH 
OUT OF WATER* 

DEADPOOL (V.O,) 
My fourth shittiest moment* The 
Punch Bowl, And if you think I'm 
losing my shit 'cause I can't 
breathe. You're only half right* 

Ajax appears to be looking at Wade. But we RACK FOCUS to 
reveal he's looking at his REFLECTION in the Flexiglas lid, 
checking for stuff between his teeth, 

DEADPOOL (V+0*) 
See, if Francis is able to see his 
reflection, . . 

The camera SWINGS around to Wade's POINT-OF-VIEW of Ajax 
through the glass... 

...and then RACKS FOCUS to WADE's REFLECTED FACE . SCARRED. 
RAVAGED. And perfectly visible to him one foot away. 

DEADPOOL (V.O*) 
You know what they say. You always 
remember your first time, * . 

Wade throws back his head in a SILENT SCREAM. 



EXT. /INT. HIGH-RISE - DAY - PRESENT 

Back in the PRESENT, a beautiful, gleaming new GLASS HIGH- 
RISE dominates the downtown SKYLINE* 

We're behind the MYSTERY RIDER from the freeway chase as he 
STRIDES UP the front steps, motorcycle HELMET under his arm. 

The rider ENTERS the building through the massive revolving 
front doors onto a a STUNNING multi-level ATRIUM, full of 
fountains and hanging sculptures. 

Various EMPLOYEES suddenly snap to attention, nod 
deferentially, and greet the rider WARMLY as he passes. 

He rides a GLASS ELEVATOR to the building's fortieth story 
PENTHOUSE . . . 

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55. 



...and we REVERSE ANGLE to see him emerge from the opening 
elevator doors. 

The rider is indeed AJAX, blue eyes twinkling , dark hair 
HATTED down over his forehead. 

He gazes out over a pristine penthouse LOBBY. 

Striding forward to meet him are WYRE, SLUGGO, and GARRISON 
KANE, no longer wearing lab coats, dressed positively 
CORPORATE. Wyre BEAMS. 

WYRE 

Welcome home, Boss-man. 

SMASH CUT TO: 



INT. /EXT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - AFTERNOON - PRESENT 

And by LAIR, we mean mid-city DUPLEX. 

Borderline ghetto. Semi- furnished, 'first apartment' 
quality: futons and torchiere lamps* 

Stained carpet, currently being swept by a roaming ROOMBA. 
IKEA. . - everywhere . 

An old WOMAN - late seventies - purple floral dress with lace 
frill - sits on a ratty couch, where the typical old woman 
might KNIT. 

Instead, this old woman takes out a wicked- looking pair of 
BOX-CUTTERS and lays waste to a BIG CARDBOARD BOX from the 
Swedish furniture maker - the 'UMSTADT SHELVING UNIT. ' 

Once the box is destroyed, she lays out its components and 
tools on the coffee table... 

. . .made more difficult by the fact that she is completely 
BLIND. This is Deadpool's roommate, BLIND AL* 

Suddenly, Blind Al's KEEN EAR picks up a faint, telltale 
sound: DRIPPING. She cocks her head to LISTEN. 

ANGLE ON: 



THE FRONT YARD. 

Dirt. No grass. '93 Chevy Avon up on BLOCKS. An exhausted 
DEADPOOL is slumped against his own front door. Red suit. 

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56. 



No mask. No right ARM* BLOOD dripping from the stump - 
plop, plop, plop - onto the stoop. 



THE LIVING ROOM. 

Blind Al shakes her head. Stands up in comfy creme nursing 
shoes. Grabs her red-tipped CANE. And totters toward the 
front door. • * 

...when she is TRIPPED by the passing ROOMBA. 



DEADPOOL (O.S.) 
(from outside) 
Let's get ready to Rooooooomba! 

BLIND AL 
(under breath) 
Ass -hat. 



Al SWINGS her cane angrily, again and again, trying to hit 
the robotic vacuum, which moves happily just out of reach. 

She manages to rise to her knees and stretch out for the 
front door, when... 

DEADPOOL SPRINGS it open from outside. SLAMMING it into her 
HEAD. Blind Al goes down again. 



Morning , roomie ! 
{sniffs} 

Fuck- This place reeks like old 
lady pants. 

BLIND AL 
(still supine) 
Yes. I'm old. I wear pantsuits. 

DEADPOOL 
But you're no lady. 



DEADPOOL is SPLAYED OUT on a white futon, MOANING, nursing 
his horrifying wound. 



ANGLE ON: 



DEADPOOL 



SMASH CUT TO: 



LATER* 



BLIND AL (O.S) 



Bactine? 



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57. 



DEADPOOL 
(dripping sarcasm) 
Yup. Bactine should do it. 

BLIND AL is back on the ratty couch, applying the finishing 
touches to the shelving unit* 

BLIND AL 

Thank Christ I can't see all this 
Ikea. 

Blind Al turns the final screw. Sits back, beyond 
unenthusiastic . 

BLIND AL 

Ta. Dah. 

The shelves look like the Leaning Tower of Fiza in shitty 
white particle board. Deadpool TOSSES an IKEA CATALOGUE on 
top. The Umstadt COLLAPSES. 

BLIND AL 

I wish I'd never heard of Craig's 
List. 

DEADPOOL ^\ 
And I quote: 'Looking for ' 
roommate. Blind to life's 
imperfections. Must be good with 
hands . ' Or wouldya rather 1 build 
furniture and you pay rent? 

BLIND AL 
Why such a douche? 

DEADPOOL 
Let's recap. That fucker who 
turned me into this ass-ugly 
monster... the one I've been 
waiting five fucking years for... 
slipped through my arm today. Arm . 

Deadpool holds up his stump. A little infant ARM is emerging 
off it. Yes. Deadpool can GROW BACK LIMBS. 

DEADPOOL 

He was my only chance at ever being 
normal again. Meantime, the girl I 
love - not you - wouldn't fuck me 
with your dick. So yeah, things 
are pretty fucking spectacular. 

Deadpool straightens a HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL on his leg with **\ 
one hand and hands it to Al. 

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58* 



DEADPOOL 
Do me a f ave-y and pick up that 
Leksvik dresser I've had my eye on. 

BLIND AL 
Cocksucker. 



Deadpool stands. Walks behind the couch , and as he passes 
the back of Blind Al's head.*. FARTS. 



DEADPOOL 

Drive-by. 

BLIND AL 

I'm gonna find this 'Craig.' And 
I'm gonna kill him. 



INT. DEADPOOL ' S ROOM - AFTERNOON - PRESENT 

Deadpool uses his new little arm to SLAM SHUT the door to his 
room. He crashes on his upper BUNK (yes, he has Ikea BUNK 
BEDS... almost as poorly constructed as that shelving unit) 
and gazes at his WALL. 

Stuck to it... with KNIVES... are various Men's Health and GQ 
HEADLINES devoted to beauty. What a scrawny teenager wishing 
he were CHARLES ATLAS might have: 

A VISION BOARD. 

Front and center: HUGH JACKMAN's Sexiest Man Alive cover. 

Deadpool pulls a knife out of the board, retrieving an old 
PHOTOGRAPH of him and Vanessa. In happier times. Wearing 
Christmas sweaters. Pantless. 

He stares at it. The knife blade REFLECTS his scarred face. 

Wade turns the knife so as not to have to look at himself, 
and the blade REFLECTS the BRIGHT CEILING LAMP into his eyes. 

Wade's pupils DILATE, and we PUSH all the way IN on them.., 

...to BLACK. 



INT. /EXT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 

Wade's PUPILS CONSTRICT again, to DOTS, and we pull BACK... 
to his scarred face, covered in flop-sweat, frozen in a 
rictus of terror. And back FURTHER through the Plexiglas... 




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60. 



EXT, PARKING LOT - NIGHT - PAST 

Wyre EXITS the ward for the night and walks across the 
parking lot- As he starts his car, he SPITS out his habitual 
matchstick and reaches into his shirt pocket for ANOTHER, * • 

...only to realize he's ALL OUT* 



INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 

DEADPOOL (V.Q.) 
But ya did give me something to 
look forward to**. 

Back inside the Punch Bowl, Wade OPENS his MOUTH... within 
which he was HIDING a SINGLE MATCHSTICK, clenched carefully - 
dryly - between his teeth. 

He uses his tongue to rotate the RED TIP of the match 
outward • • . 

...then turns his head to one side... 

.♦.touches the red tip to a metal HINGE on the bed... 

...and WHIPS his head from left to right, STRIKING the MATCH. 

He immediately LOWERS it toward the tiny HOLE in the side of 
the Punch Bowl through which OXYGEN flows. 

The flame COMBUSTS the tiny stream of oxygen, IGNITING it in 
a TRAIL . . . 

...back through the TRANSPARENT PLASTIC TUBE that trails 
outside the Punch Bowl. 

The flame SNAKES through the COILS of the tube, this way and 
that, until it reaches the large OXYGEN TANK standing next to 
the Punch Bowl. 

A beat, and then... 

. , .the TANK EXPLODES . 

The Punch Bowl is BLOWN APART, and the frame of the hospital 
bed SNAPS in TWO. 

Out in the ward, the FIREBALL curls outward, spreading from 
TENT to TENT. BOOM1 BOOM! Other flammable tanks DETONATE. 

The tents GO UP like ROMAN CANDLES * It's now MASS CHAOS * 

ALARMS BLARE. Flames LEAP. Smoke BILLOWS. Patients FLEE. 

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GARRISON KANE and SLUGGO run down the center of the ward, 
where they are BLOWN off their feet by a MASSIVE EXPLOSION. 



SLO-MO on a CURTAIN of FIRE which suddenly DISPERSES from the 
center out, replaced by the billowing WHITE SMOKE of an OVER- 
SIZED CHROME FIRE EXTINGUISHER* * . 

, ..held by AJAX, who STRIDES grimly toward the tent that 
housed Wade. REGULAR SPEED as he throws back the burning 
fabric • • . 

...and nearly EATS an OXYGEN TANK. He BLOCKS it at the last 
moment with his FIRE EXTINGUISHER. CLANG. 

On the other end of the oxygen tank, WINDMILLING it with 
unbridled FEROCITY, is WADE. 

WADE and AJAX stand toe-to-toe, SWINGING the oxygen tank and 
fire extinguisher like modern day CLUBS, trying to take off 
each other's heads. 

CLANG 1 BANG I BAM! The tanks COLLIDE in mid-air. Totally 
BONE- JARRING. 

CRACK. Ajax's fingers get CRUNCHED between metal. He 
doesn't even feel it. 

At last, Wade grabs the HOSE of Ajax's fire extinguisher, 
angles it up, and gets his finger on the TRIGGER. 

The extinguisher BLASTS. Ajax is momentarily BLINDED. 

Wade brings the oxygen tank down from on high like a 
LUMBERJACK'S AXE. Ajax BLOCKS it, but is driven to his 
KNEES. 

Wade's eyes are lit with fire. DOWN the tank COMES, again 
and AGAIN. Ajax takes his own fire extinguisher to the CHIN. 
Then catches a BLOW from the oxygen TANK to his TEMPLE. 

The extinguisher goes FLYING. 

WADE 

(a la Keith Jackson) 
Fumbllllel 

Ajax looks up, dazed, half -conscious, suddenly helpless. 

WADE 

One question. To make sure you're 
still responsive. 

(whispers in Ajax's ear) 
Am I a super-hero now? i-s ^ 

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62. 



Wade straddles Ajax'e CHEST and holds up a SCALPEL. 

AJAX 

You can't kill me. I'm the only 
one who can fix that face. 

WADE 

Well aware. But first. Let's fix 
yours . 

Wade GRABS Ajax and starts CARVING something into his 
FOREHEAD. 

WADE 

Lemme guess. You don't feel a 
thing. 

Wade finishes carving, tosses the scalpel, and HOISTS Ajax 
over his SHOULDERS in a FIREMAN'S CARRY. 

WADE 

I got next. Let's go turn me back 
to beautiful. 

Wade carries Ajax down the ward. But best laid plans... the 
ROOF suddenly COLLAPSES, BURYING the two in a PILE of BURNING 
RUBBLE. 

Wade manages to stand in the debris. He spies Ajax lying 
nearby. But before Wade can grab him again, he's interrupted 
by the sight of FIREFIGHTERS and POLICE rushing at him from 
either direction. 

Anguished, Wade looks left, right, and is finally forced to 
ABANDON Ajax... and RUN. 

Wade sprints until he spies a hole in the wall. He's nearly 
through it when he hears a VOICE. 

WORM (O.S.) 
Wade! Wada l 

Wade spies pathetic, little WORM still strapped to his bed, 
half -buried in RUBBLE. 

WORM 

Kill me. Please... 
Wade picks up an OXYGEN TANK and steels himself. 

WADE 

You deserved better, Worm* • • 
Wade lifts the tank and BRINGS it DOWN on Worm's HEAD. 

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We hear an OFF-SCREEN CRACK. And it 'a OVER. Hade BOLTS 
before a wave of onrushing COPS and FIREMEN. 



63. 



Wade DISAPPEARS through a CLOUD of SMOKE, which appears to 
SWALLOW him for good. 

DISSOLVE TO: 



EXT. CITY STREET - MORNING - PAST 
SOOT . SMOKE . WATER . GRIME . 

WADE watches from the shadows of an alley as the FIREMEN put 
out the final flames of the Workshop fire. The building is a 
BLACKENED HUSK of its former self. 

You could say the same of AJAX, who has been HANDCUFFED and 
is unceremoniously STUFFED into the back of a COP CAR. 

The prowler containing Ajax pulls past Wade's ALLEY. Wade 
steps back into the shadows, watching helplessly as his PREY 
recedes into the distance. 

As Wade turns to go, he spies his hideous REFLECTION in a 
PUDDLE left by the firemen. He stares, then STEPS in the 
PUDDLE. As the water RIPPLES, distorting the face even 
further, we, , . 

DISSOLVE TO: 



EXT. CITY STREET - DAY - PAST 

...from the POINT-OF-VIEW of an as-yet-unseen PEDESTRIAN. 

An ELDERLY WOMAN with a WALKER shuffles hurriedly away. A 
CHILD STARES from a bus window. A DOG stops in its tracks, 
mid-FETCH. Bares its teeth. Barks WILDLY. A TODDLER in a 
STROLLER BURSTS INTO TEARS. His MOTHER pulls down the 
sunshade. Hustles him across the street. 

WADE (O.S.) 
Never seen Puppetry of the Penis? I 

At last the camera swoops around 180 degrees to reveal WADE, 
a walking TRAIN-WRECK, scarred face on display, taking long 
swigs off a BOTTLE of BOONE 's FARM. 



EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY - PAST 

SQUEAK. . . SQUEAK. . . SQUEAK. . . ^ 

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64* 



WADE rises into frame, a few INCHES at a time, on a wooden 
WINDOW-WASHING PLATFORM, • * which he is raising to the top of 
a FIFTY-STORY OFFICE BUILDING. . . 

. . .via PULLEY. 

DEADPOOL (V*0. ) 
Naked tandem base-jumping with the 
WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs* 
Sparking up a spliff with the 
Olympic torch* Giving Meredith 
Baxter Birney a dutch oven* 

Wade reaches fifty stories up and downs the last of the 
BOTTLE. Then takes off his BOOTS. 

DEADPOOL (V*0*) 
Sweet bucket Hat* But I'll never 
finish it. Or my Lego Millenium 
Falcon* 'Cause I'm about to take a 
long walk off a short* * * 

Wade aligns his stockinged toes at the edge of the platform 
and looks around him. 

DEADPOOL (V*0*) 
. . . urn* » * window-washer's scaffold? 
Platform? Bench? 

Wade shrugs . . . 

DEADPOOL (V*0*) 
Whatever, Can't go on looking like 
my a- 

AAAHH. Wade JUMPS, PLUMMETING for what seems like forever... 
into an ALLEY fifty stories down. 

We watch from the window-washing scaffold as he SPLATS onto 
the PAVEMENT between two dumpsters. 

We continue to watch from on high: the body remains still, 
but the rest of the city begins to move in TIME-LAPSE ULTRA- 
FAST MOTION. 

Cars and pedestrians ZOOM around. SHADOWS of CLOUDS pass 
over. DAY turns to NIGHT. 

And all the while, the camera slowly DESCENDS from the 
fiftieth story to just above the street. 

When Wade's body nearly FILLS the frame, the action SLOWS to 
REGULAR SPEED again. 

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A RAT tentatively approaches and begins to NIBBLE on Wade's 
toe. 

Without warning, Wade's 'corpse' TWITCHES . 

DEADPOOL 
Quit it, Uncle Kev. 

Wade kicks. The rat scurries away. 

Wade bats his eyelids, closes them peacefully again, then 
OPENS THEM WIDE* 

He looks around him, then UP, DOWN, around him again* Begins 
to run his hands over his body, exploring for serious 
injuries. NOT A SCRATCH. 

Then INTO CAMERA : 

WADE 

The fuck? 

SMASH CUT TOi 

EXT. DOCKS - NIGHT ~ PAST 

ROAR! Down at the docks, WADE rides a MOTORCYCLE he has hot- 
wired at a HUNDRED- AND- TWENTY MILES AN HOUR... 

WADE 

Maybe . Just maybe . * * 

... STRAIGHT into a BRICK WALL* SAVAGE OBLITERATION - 

The camera descends through the quiet night air toward the 
wreckage. And a sprawled WADE. Who RAISES his HEAD... 

WADE 

...I am a super-hero. 



EXT. JUNK YARD - DAY - PAST 

WADE stands directly under a tall JUNKYARD CRANE- Dangling 
from the crane is a massive MAGNET whose electromagnetic 
force holds up a TANGLE of heavy METALLIC JUNK - AN OLD CAR, 
I-BEAMS, REBARS, etc. 

WADE takes out a PISTOL and shoots the crane's CONTROL PANEL, 
KA-BOOM. The CAR and JUNK PILE FALL RIGHT ON HIS HEAD. 



65. 



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66. 



INT, MORGUE - DAY - PAST 

A bloody WADE lies on a SLAB at the MORTUARY, where a 
MORTICIAN zips a BODY-BAG over him, from foot to head. When 
he reaches Wade's neck, Wade blocks the zipper with a finger. 

WADE 

I'd do 'I'm not dead yet!' from 
Holy Grail, but I can't be that 
guy. 



EXT. ZOO - DAY - PAST 

At the ZOO, Japanese TOURISTS watch as WADE CANNON-BALLS into 
the POLAR BEAR ENCLOSURE. TWO POLAR BEARS maul him. 



INT. SUBWAY - DAY - PAST 

We're on a moving SUBWAY with various COMMUTERS . They sneak 
alarmed GLIMPSES of a MAN turning the PAGES of a NEWSPAPER. 

The man LOWERS HIS NEWSPAPER. The WOMAN across from him 
CRIES OUT, shocked by what she sees: 

WADE is wearing a picture of HUGH JACKMAN torn from the pages 
of People Magazine's 2008 'Sexiest Man Alive' STAPLED to his 
FACE. Blood at the pierce points. The mouth and eyes cut 
out. A DIME-STORE TOUPEE on top. 

Wade sets down the paper, opens the subway WINDOW, sticks his 
head out, and gets OBLITERATED by a SUBWAY screaming the 
OTHER WAY. The commuters ERUPT in shocked PANDEMONIUM . 



INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - DAY - PAST 

WEASEL is sitting at a booth at SISTER MARGARET'S, haggling 
with a MERC over the price of a PISTOL he's selling. 

BUYER 
Seventeen hundred? 1 

WEASEL 

But I waive the 'cooling off 
periohmigod. 

Weasel gapes at the sight of WADE, who has just walked in. 
SCARRED FACE. TATTERED, BLOODY CLOTHES. 

WADE 

You should see the polar bear. 

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67. 



INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - LATER - PAST 

At the BAR, PATCH takes a good, long, sympathetic look at 
WADE's face. 

PATCH 
Consider a beard. 

WADE 

Says a guy named Patch. 

Patch pours Wade and WEASEL the latest in a row of MANY SHOTS 
and sidles away. 

WADE 

Worst of it is, only guy who can 
fix this face is doing 5 to 10 in 
Super-Max. 

WEASEL 

I say, turn chicken shit into 
breaded chicken livers. You've got 
super-powers, chief. You'll get 
the best gigs here. All you need 
is a nickname. A slogan. 



WADE 
(trailer voice) 
Wade Wilson is,.. 'Hard To Kill.' 

WEASEL 
(chuckles) 
Why is every Steven Seagal movie 3 
words? 'Marked For Death.' 

WADE 

'Out For Justice.' 

WEASEL 
'Above The Law.' 

WADE 
( smirks ) 
'Hungry For Lunch, f 



The two laugh. 



WEASEL 
'Keep Off Grass.' 

WADE 

'Now With Calcium. 



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68. 



WEASEL 
'May Cause Diarrhea.' 

WADE 

'No Free Refills. ' 
The two are in HYSTERICS. 

WADE 

Hope you haven't spent that twenty- 
eight-hundred. 'Cause you ain't 
ever winning the Deadpool. 

As Wade says the word, Weasel and Wade stop laughing and look 
at one another. EUREKA. 



INT. COSTUME STORE - DAY - PAST 

WADE sifts through various MASKS in the back of a costume 
store. For shits and giggles, he puts his fist inside a 
SPIDER-MAN MASK. 

He stares at the mask a moment. Then, on a hunch, turns it 
INSIDE OUT . The inside of the mask is RED. With BLACK 
AROUND the EYES. 

Wade SMIRKS. INSPIRATION has STRUCK. 



INT. MANSION - NIGHT - PAST 

In the gaudy LIVING ROOM of a HUGE MANSION, featuring a SALT- 
WATER AQUARIUM full of beautiful FISH, GABE - a WISE GUY in a 
KIMONO - parties with his DOUBLE-D-CHESTED GIRLFRIEND. 

Between snorts of COCAINE , Gabe gets an idea . . . 

...and starts to dump COCAINE like FISH FOOD into the 
AQUARIUM. The fish gobble it up. 

GABE 
Check it out! 

GIRLFRIEND 
(heart melts) 
Gabe, you're such an animal-lover I 



EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT - PAST 

Outside the front door, a RED-GLOVED FINGER rings the 
DOORBELL. Then again. And again. 

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69, 



Clutched in the gloved hand is one of the YELLOW CARDS from 
Sister Margaret' s f complete with CYPRESS TREE, 



INT. HOUSE - NIGHT - PAST 

The DOORBELL is ringing INCESSANTLY , annoyingly, as if a 
little KID were pushing it. 

GABE approaches the front door, irritated, 

GABE 

Shaddup! What, you got into my 
coke too? I 

The YELLOW CARD slides through the door's MAIL SLOT and lands 
at Gabe's feet, 

Gabe reaches down to pick it up. Frowns upon reading his own 
name: 'MIRABELLI, GABRIEL, ' 

Out Of NOWHERE, a KATANA BLADE slices THROUGH the mail slot, 
into Gabe's THROAT, and out the back of his NECK, Just as 
quickly, it slides back OUT, 

Gabe falls onto his BACK. The front door is brutally KICKED ^\ 
OPEN,,, 1 

,..and we tilt from HEAD to TOE of,., 

,..DEADPOOL, in FULL COSTUME. 

DEADPOOL 
(points thumb at himself, 
proud ) 
Deadpool. 

Deadpool 's attention is drawn to Gabe's GIRLFRIEND, who 
watches, in horror, from the arch to the living room. 

Deadpool turns to go, then stops. 

DEADPOOL 

Nice tits* 

As Deadpool turns to go, with Gabe dead on the floor and the 
woman gaping in distress behind him, the entire FRAME morphs 
into a COMIC BOOK COVER of the exact same moment: DEADPOOL 
#1. 

The issue falls away to reveal the cover of ANOTHER issue. 

And another. More and more FLIP PAST CAMERA, each depicting 

DEADPOOL in a VIOLENT new ADVENTURE ... ^ 

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70. 



fighting thugs, killing gangsters, cheating death, YELLOW 
CARDS spilling left and right. 

60 ISSUES marks 5 YEARS OF TIME PASSAGE until we reach an 
issue emblazoned with.*. 

...a PENCIL- AND- INK version of the SHOT outside the SUPER-MAX 
PRISON at the beginning of our movie: AJAX being FREED and 
walking toward his CONVOY of VEHICLES, 



EXT. PRISON - DAY - PAST 

The cover melts back into the black shit-kickers and blinding 
white fortress from earlier. The sequence plays out exactly 
as it did 48 minutes ago, only this time, we stay with AJAX a 
moment longer. 

He nearly gets INTO the back seat of one of the ESCALADES... 

...but at the last second, thinks better of it.*. 

...and TRADES PLACES with one of the MOTORCYCLE RIDERS, 
donning his LEATHER SUIT and HELMET. 

Ajax RIDES BESIDE the ESCALADES instead of inside one. 



INT* DEADPOOL'S LAIR - DAY - PAST 

Back at his shabby apartment, DEADPOOL is getting dressed. 
He has ONE LEG in his COSTUME and the other LEG still 
stabbing for the other pants-hole. 



He HOPS ACROSS the hall behind BLIND AL, who is putting the 
finishing touches on a decidedly rickety KARLSTAD CHAISE 
LOUNGE from IKEA. 



DEADPOOL 
Hurry-hurry-hurry-hurry-hurry I 

BLIND AL 
At least you're doing us the 
courtesy of pants. 



EXT. CITY STREET - DAY - PAST 

DEADPOOL runs out to the street corner and WAVES. 



DEADPOOL 
Late-late- late- late-late i 




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DEADPOOL 

Taxi I 

A TAXI - if you've been paying attention, you will recognize 
it - pulls up to the curb. Deadpool opens the rear door and 
finds himself staring at... 

. - .DOFINDER behind the wheel. 

DOPINDER 
Where do you want to be going 1 



71, 



INT. DEADPOOL 'S LAIR - NIGHT - PAST 
LATE NIGHT at the lair. 

Deadpool is sitting on a Papasan Chair. Eating Twizzlers 
with his infant arm. Watching TV with BLIND AL, who 
reclines, motionless, on the couch. He dips her fingers in 
LUKE-WARM WATER. 

BLIND AL 
I'm awake, asshole. 

Wade hits FAST FORWARD on his remote. On the TV, we cycle 
through the ACT ONE we already saw... at 64X the speed: The 
cab ride. The fight in the Escalade. The motorcycle chase. 
The Ajax confrontation. Colossus. The arm. 

Wade backs up. Watches the last bit again. Until we're... 

WADE 

All caught up. 
For good. As we join: 



INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT - PRESENT 

...a busy night at SISTER MARGARET ' s * 

DEADPOOL (V.O*) 
And just in time, 'cause I'm about 
to suck down the third shittieat 
moment of my life. Believe it or 
not, I'm not even around for it*** 

WEASEL sits at the bar, chatting up PATCH. 

WEASEL 

Ever see Steven Seagal in 'Dry 

Clean Only'? ^ 

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72. 



PATCH stares. 



WEASEL 

Or ' Lather , Rinse, Repeat'? 
Patch still stares. 

WEASEL 

Are roe and Wade the only ones who 
find this funny? 

BOOM1 The FRONT DOOR SWINGS OPEN. Every head turns, like in 
those old wild west SALOONS. 

Weasel frowns at the sight of FOUR STRANGERS : 

GARRISON KANE, SLUGGO, WYRE. . . 

. . .and AJAX. 

The four walk up to the bar. 

WEASEL 

Gonna go check the table bottoms 
for gum. 

Weasel slinks away. 

But everyone ELSE in the bar isn't so petrified. Underneath 
just about EVERY TABLE in the place, someone DRAWS and COCKS 
a GUN* 

Even PATCH , behind the bar, rests his hand on a DOUBLE- 
BARRELED SHOTGUN. 

PATCH 
Help you, gentlemen? 

AJAX 

I've heard this is the kind of 
place you could hire a guy... 

Ajax looks from one end of the bar to the other, eyeing both 
FLEX and BOOTHS. 

AJAX 

... to do you a favor . 
PATCH 

I'm afraid you're mistaken. 

Ajax takes in the big dead pool on the wall... with all its 
names and dollar values. Then he looks around at all the 
tough, suspicious FACES. 

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AJAX 

It's OK. We're not armed. 



73. 



The men extend their hands* Two of Patch's LACKEYS come up 
behind and do a quick PAT DOWN* NO WEAPONS . 

Around the room, men remove their fingers from triggers* 



AJAX 

But we are loaded. 



Ajax lays a money SLEEVE with THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of 
DOLLARS worth of BILLS on the bar* It's like STEAK laid out 
in front of DOGS* Every gun in the room gets RE-HOLSTERED . 



AJAX 

(addresses the entire bar) 
So I'll ask again* Are you... or 
are you not.** the kind of guys who 
will take a dime to fuck a brother 
up? 

Flex and Boothe, at either end of the bar, stand up* 



BOOTHS 

Yeah * 

FLEX 

We're those kind of guys. 



AJAX 
( smiles } 
Not any more* 

GARRISON KANE raises one PROSTHETIC ARM. The 'hand' suddenly 
FOLDS BACK ON ITSELF, revealing a TUBE*** 

...out of which FIRES a ROCKET-PROPELLED GRENADE..* 



...right into Flex's FACE. B00M1 It thunders through the 
room. Followed by two more GRENADES, fired into the crowd. 
B00M1 BOOM! 



The patrons SCRAMBLE for their guns and start firing back, 
but they're already fighting a LOSING BATTLE* 

SLUGGO makes it a LITERAL BAR FIGHT by tearing out an ENTIRE 
SECTION of the BAR and bringing it down on Boothe 's HEAD* 

WYRE snakes INORGANIC STRANDS from his fingers into Patch's 
mouth and down his throat, CHOKING him to death* 

The mercenaries are NO MATCH for this group of SUPER- 
VILLAINS* 

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74. 



Garrison Kane fires MORE RPGs, and uses a second CLAW-LIKE 
APPENDAGE to BREAK BONES like MATCHSTICKS. 

SLUGGO is crazy strong, TEARING DOWN THE ROOM* 

WYRE uses wires to WHIP people around, left and right* 

It's complete, devastating CHAOS. 

Then, just as quickly as it began, it's OVER* Ajax surveys 
the wreckage, the motionless bodies, the flames, the smoke..* 

...and NOTICES a TABLE - once still - move across the floor 
of its own accord - then fall STILL - then MOVE again* 

A shell-shocked Weasel is hiding under a TABLE, wearing it on 
his back like a turtle SHELL to conceal himself as he 
scurries toward the exit*.. 

. . .where he is MET by AJAX, who PLUCKS him from under the 
table and PLOPS him on TOP of it. 

AJAX 

(points to the dead pool) 
Whoever had you lost big* Little 
fucking weasel. So you get to 
spread the word: If anyone in our 
fair city wishes to engage the 
services of an agent of..* 

(looks around the bar) 
...destruction... they talk to me. 

Ajax turns toward one of the only things left in Sister 
Margaret's after all the destruction; 

The MIRROR behind the BAR. 

AJAX 

Oh, and if you lay eyes on Wade 
Wilson - sorry if you do ~ tell him 
we're coming* 

Ajax brushes his own HAIR off his FOREHEAD, REVEALING for the 
first time the SCARS carved into his skin by Wade long ago. 

The markings are REVERSED and BACKWARD. It's not until the 
camera swivels AROUND Ajax to catch his REFLECTION in the 
MIRROR that we can read them... 

...in the style of a 'nametag': 

HELLO 1 MY NAME IS... FRANCIS. 



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DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
So that's what the Workshop had in 
mind all along. . . 



75. 



DISSOLVE TO: 



EXTREME-SLO-MOTION IMAGES , almost POST-CARD-esque , of 
GARRISON KANE, SLUGGO, AND WYRE performing ASSASSINATIONS of 
every shape and size around the city* 



DEADPOOL (V*0.) 
. * .monopolizing and corporatizing 
mercenary work* *Scuse me. Super - 
mercenary work: these ain't the 
wayward girls of Sister Margaret's* 
And there ain't no code* 



SLUGGO throws a STATE SENATOR'S LIMO, with the terrified 
SENATOR (lipstick all over his face) and his MISTRESS 
(equally disheveled) in the back seat, off a BRIDGE. 

GARRISON KANE has a FLAMETHROWER for an appendage. He TOASTS 
a MAN TRAPPED inside a PHONE BOOTH with thick BLUE FLAME. 



A WO MAN is being HANGED by the neck, off the edge of a FERRIS 
WHEEL BUCKET, by wires dripping from WYRE's FINGERS. 

AJAX DROWNS a man FACE-FIRST in a DOG DISH of WATER, with one 
well-placed BOOT to the back of the neck. The man's DOG 
barks wildly on the other end of the LEASH. 

As these images finish dissolving into one another, we FADE 
TO BLACK. 



INT. STRIP CLUB - NIGHT 

WYRE sits at a bar in a GLAMMED-UP STRIP CLUB, matchstick-in- 
mouth, throwing down SHOTS and HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILLS, 

A SMOKING-HOT STRIPPER approaches, RUBS his belt buckle. 

STRIPPER 
Lonely little lap... 

Wyre SMILES at her and makes the matchstick in his mouth RISE 
suggestively from six o'clock... to MIDNIGHT. 



INT. BACK ROOM - NIGHT 



WYRE sits on a wooden chair in a back room, the STRIPPER 
STRADDLING him, going to town. 



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76. 



There is a KNOCK at the DOOR. Followed fay MORE PERSISTENT 
KNOCKING, wyre snaps out of his reverie , annoyed. 

Suddenly , the door SWINGS OPEN. 

Now IRATE, wyre turns his head around to see... 

WEASEL 

Looking for a mop. Got a spill on 
aisle three. 

DEADPOOL (O.S.) 
FYI. If I'm sitting in a guy's 
lap, it usually means I'm working. 

Wyre's eyes widen as he turns back to find DEADPOOL SITTING 
in his LAP, the shocked stripper SHOVED to one side. 

The stripper runs PAST Weasel, who closes the door again. 

Wyre raises a fist and GRABS DEADPOOL by the lapel. Deadpool 
wags a finger, playing the part of the 'stripper.' 

DEADPOOL 
Never touch. 

Deadpool THROTTLES Wyre right back. Wyre instantly shoots 
WIRES from his fingers, wrapping them around Deadpool 's NECK 
and SHOVING him back against the wall. 

Which is when we hear that lovely, tell-tale sound: 

The DRAWING of KATANAS. 

Deadpool brings the blades down in an 'X, ' slicing through 
the wires and freeing himself. 

Wyre FIRES WIRES from ALL TEN FINGERS like SPIDER-HAN 

shooting webs, but Deadpool starts to swing his katanas as 
only Deadpool can: 

A CUISINART of spinning steel. 

The blades TWIRL SO FAST, they resemble PROPELLERS. Wire 
flies left and right, SHREDDED like coleslaw. 

Every time Wyre manages to snag one of Deadpool 's limbs, the 
BLADES immediately cut the cords. 

Deadpool closes in on Wyre, until... 

...in SLO-MO, a blade SLICES DOWN and CUTS the MATCHSTICK 
between Wyre's lips in TWO. 

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77. 



With blinding quickness, Deadpool turns the BLUNT LEATHER 
GRIP of one blade forward and BASHES it again and again into 
Wyre's face like an ICE-PICK. 

Wyre falls to his back, face turned to HAMBURGER/ DAZED. 

Deadpool uses the two katanas to lift Wyre's wooden chair 
INTO the AIR* He sends it spinning, then SWINGS the SWORDS 
through it, SLICING it into splintered WOODEN PIECES. 

Deadpool GRABS one of the CHAIR LEGS out of the AIR, SITS on 
WYRE's CHEST, and GAGS Wyre with it, 

DEADPOOL 

You always liked a little wood in 
your mouth. Best case scenario: 
You tell me where I can find 
Francis, He cures me. And you 
live. Best case. 

Deadpool removes the chair leg from Wyre's teeth. 

WYRE 

You'll have to kill me first. 

For just an instant, Deadpool turns and looks into CAMERA. 
Then: 

DEADPOOL 
So we agree on worst case. 

Without ceremony or hesitation, Deadpool raises a KATANA and 
STABS DOWNWARD. BOOM! BLACK. 

EMCEE (O.S.) 
Coming onto the stage, give it up 
for. . . chastityl 



INT. STRIP CLUB - NIGHT 

DEADPOOL strides toward the main stage to grab WEASEL - a red 
blur amongst the throbbing blue lights. 

DEADPOOL 
Or as I like to call her. Irony I 

(to Weasel) 
Let's get outta here before anyone, 
y'know, finds the bloody dead guy. 



WEASEL 

Right . 



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78. 



Deadpool starts to turn, then STOPS, STARING incredulously, 
his ATTENTION DRAWN to something astonishing: 

DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
Oh* My* God* It couldn't be* 
But It was * Even after five long 
years*** I never forget a face, 

STEREOTYPICAL ROMANTIC MUSIC SWELLS: 

REVERSE ANGLE to reveal what Deadpool is looking at: a 
STRIPPER'S ASS, UP in the AIR for all to see, as she bends 
over a pole* Back to Deadpool: 

DEADPOOL (V.O*) 
Or one of those* 

And back to the STRIPPER, who turns around on-stage to reveal 
her face; 

VANESSA. 

Deadpool BLINKS and GULPS, then grabs Weasel and MELTS into 
the CROWD* 

DISSOLVE TO: 



EXT. /INT. HOTEL - NIGHT 

An ALMOST- FANCY HOTEL looms quietly over the city. 

VANESSA (O.S.) 
Knock, knock. 

We find ourselves in a fourteenth-floor HALLWAY* 

Vanessa's HAND pushes the DOOR to SUITE 1427 opens ever so 
slightly.., shedding a sliver of light on a mysterious MAN 
sitting across the room in the shadows. 

AMY WINEHOUSE plays on the TV. 

VANESSA enters the room and SHUTS the door behind her. 

The man uses a REMOTE to turn the TV OFF, 

VANESSA 
Supposed to say who's there. 

(silence) 
Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma 
Lee I don't go around knocking on 
doors, but you wanna buy some 
encyclopedias ? 

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79. 



Vanessa laughs at her own corny joke, then walks forward. 

VANESSA 

Coupla ground rules, Mr. Reynolds. 
Burt, right? 

(the man nods) 
Put your hands where I can see 'em, 
Stroker Ace. And money up front. 

The man points to the dresser. Sitting on top is a small 
ENGAGEMENT-RING-LIKE BOX. 

The box looks strangely FAMILIAR to Vanessa. 

She cautiously walks over, looks: it's EXACTLY like the one 
Wade gave her during Christmas sweater sex many years ago. 

Vanessa slowly OPENS the box to discover three crisp HUNDRED 
DOLLAR BILLS. 

She looks up tremulously at the man in the shadows. 

His chest heaves with anxiety. 

VANESSA 
Is that. - - you? 

Vanessa reaches for the light. 

The window is open. The man is GONE. 

DEADPOOL (V.O*) 
Shittieat moment numero doa* 



INT. DEADPOOL 'S LAIR - NIGHT 

DEADPOOL is again lying on the freshly blood-stained futon, 
GASH on his forehead, BROKEN LEG, recovering. Depressed. 
Elbow deep in a pint of Chunky Monkey. 

BLIND AL is all-hands-on-deck with the Leksvik four-drawer 
dresser build-out. 

BLIND AL 

Burt Reynolds? White Lightning ? 1 

DEADPOOL 
Seriously. Cork it. 

BLIND AL 
Not 'til you explain why you 
bailed. 



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80. 



DEADPOOL 
What do I keep saying, Andrea 
Bocelli? If you could see me, 
you'd understand. 

BLIND AL 
Love is blind, Wade. 

DEADPOOL 
No, vou ; re blind, Alfonse. 



The ROOMBA circles, sucks up the last three SCREWS from the 
Leksvik. 



BLIND AL 
(frowns) 
What was that? 



DEADPOOL 
A clue why our furniture keeps 
falling the fuck apart. 

Deadpool goes back to watching DR. PHIL DRONE on about love. 



DR. PHIL 

You have the power to choose how 
you perceive yourself, and you 
exercise this power every day. 
Make today a choosing day. 

DEADPOOL 

Give me one minute alone with this 
ass-clown* 



BLIND AL 
But he's right. 



DEADPOOL 

Puck he is! I'm not 'perceiving' 
shit. I'm gonna hunt Francis down. 
He's gonna make me better. And 
things will go back to how they 
used to be. When it was just 
Vanessa . . * and me . * * 
(we hear ECHOES) 
me. . . me • . * 

Deadpool STARES OFF INTO SPACE, and the screen literally 
BLURS into WAVES as he REMINISCES about the PAST... 

...in an old-school MONTAGE, straight out of a bad romantic 
comedy. * . 

...set to AIR SUPPLY'S 'THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE.' 

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81. 



We see dissolving images of all the good times WADE (the 
unblemished young man we first met) and VANESSA shared 
together, or as the case may be, didn't share: 



EXT* AMUSEMENT PARK - DAY - FAST 

WADE wins VANESSA a MASSIVE stuffed KOALA at the amusement 
park, which then sits uncomfortably BETWEEN them on the 
MOTORCYCLE ride home. It looks like Vanessa is treating the 
bear to 69* 



EXT. PARK - DAY - FAST 

WADE and VANESSA smooch in a ROWBOAT* A BLUEBIRD on his 
shoulder. FISH and FROGS jump over them. 



INT. BEACH HOUSE - DAY - PAST 

WADE and VANESSA boil LOBSTERS together. They do a CONGA 
LINE with two of the lobsters, twirling their claws and 
waving them to either side. 



EXT. BEACH - DAY - PAST 

WADE and VANESSA bareback a UNICORN. BUBBLES fill the 
screen . 



INT. BEDROOM - DAY - PAST 

WADE undresses after exercise and VANESSA emerges after a 
shower. They mistakenly CRASH into one another and fall to 
the floor, then realize they are holding each other BUCK 
NAKED. 

The two SCREAM, quickly separate, and spastically try to 
cover up. 



INT. IKEA - DAY - PAST 

WADE and VANESSA enjoy a shopping trip at Ikea, feeding each 
other Swedish MEATBALLS while relaxing on an ASPELUND bed 
frame. 

BLIND AL (O.S.) 
That was actually jga, dumbshit. 



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82. 



The music suddenly DIES. Deadpool is shaken from his reverie 
as we * * . 

SMASH CUT BACK 
TO: 



INT. DEADPOOL ' S LAIR - DAY - PRESENT 
DEADPOOL and BLIND AL have it out: 

BLIND AL 

No way life was ever that perfect. 

DEADPOOL 
Well that's how I remember itl 

BLIND AL 

Then do what Dr. Phil says. Make 
today a choosing day. 

DEADPOOL 

Ya think? 

BLIND AL 
Life can be that perfect againl 

DEADPOOL 

It can?l 

BLIND AL 
You go get her. Rocky ! 

Deadpool rises to his feet, INSPIRED* 

DEADPOOL 
Yo, Adrian! 

He CHARGES into ACTION, TRIPS on the ROOMBA, and FACE-PLANTS. 

BLIND AL 
No, Rocky Dennis. 

The Leksvik COLLAPSES. 

DISSOLVE TO: 



EXT. /INT. HOTEL - NIGHT 

NIGHT has fallen again. We see the same tall HOTEL as 
before , 



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83. 



VANESSA nervously walks down the SAME fourteenth-floor 
hallway • * * 

* • ^approaches the SAME SUITE (1427)*. ♦ 
**• pushes open the SAME DOOR... 

.♦•and closes it behind her, facing the SAME MYSTERIOUS MAN 
in the shadows. 

She gathers her courage: 

VANESSA 
I was hoping it was you. 

The man steps confidently OUT of the shadows. Not Wade... 

- . . but AJAX t 

FADE OUT. 

We hear a long, ominous, familiar HISS. 

FADE UP ON: 

INT* PENTHOUSE OFFICE - NIGHT 

AJAX stands in his vast, beautiful PENTHOUSE OFFICE 
overlooking the city. 

AJAX 

'Sitting still and wishing made no 
person great. The good Lord sends 
the fishing, but you must dig the 
bait. ' 

The camera ROTATES around Ajax as he speaks, until it falls 
on the RECIPIENT of his speech, the BAIT herself: 

VANESSA, ENTOMBED in the PUNCH BOWL, which has been stood on 
its end next to Ajax's big OAK DESK. She 'stands,' strapped 
to a gurney inside the PLEXIGLAS CHAMBER. 

Her breaths are short, desperate GASPS • 
INT, DEADPOOL'S LAIR - NIGHT 

DEADPOOL opens his front door to the sight of WEASEL standing 
on the stoop. He carries TWO DUFFEL BAGS that combined weigh 
more than he does* 



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84* 



DEADPOOL 

I'm a member of Generation Text. 
But letting a guy know his girl's 
been kidnapped via SMS? WTF. 

WEASEL 

Totally rude. You deserved a call. 
Or at least an e-mail, 

DEADPOOL 

Could I use it to trace him back to 
her? Triangulation? GPS? 

Deadpool HANDS Weasel his PHONE. 

WEASEL 

Yup. Or you could just read his 
next text. 

Weasel hands the phone back* Deadpool READS* 

DEADPOOL 

OMG, STFUi 

WEASEL 

He wants vou to come to him . 
DEADPOOL 

He'd better wear the brown pants. 
INT. DEADPOOL 'S LAIR - MOMENTS LATER 

The first duffel bag is now OPEN. Various cool WEAPONS sit 
on the futon. 

WEASEL is showing DEADPOOL the guns' ins and outs. BLIND AL 
listens in from the sofa. 

Weasel holds up the coolest- looking SEMI-AUTOMATIC PISTOL 
EVER, big and fat. 

WEASEL 

This is a Metal Storm 9 millimeter 
semi-automatic pistol. 

DEADPOOL 
Only 9 millimeters? 

WEASEL 
9 millimeters . 

(beat) 
But 3 barrels. 

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85. 



Weasel AIMS the pistol at Deadpool to reveal THREE BARRELS 
embedded in its fat snout. 

DEADPOOL 
(verklempt) 
I've waited my whole life for... 
y'know. . . this. 

WEASEL 

All 3 bullets fire at once. And 
for you? 

(reaches into his bag for 
another IDENTICAL gun) 
I brought 2. 

(re: Blind Al) 
Is she cool? 

DEADPOOL 

The coolest. Plus, she could never 
pick you out of a line-up. 

BLIND AL 
I was gonna spend tonight 
assembling the Bjursta, but this is 
holding my interest. 



WEASEL 
(to Blind Al) 
Here's a gun even vou could hit 
shit with. 

Weasel pulls out a humongous MILITARY SHOTGUN, with a FAT 
ROUND AMMO DRUM in front of its trigger. 

WEASEL 

The AA-12 combat shotgun. Fully 
automatic . 

DEADPOOL 

Oh. 

WEASEL 
300 rounds per minute. 

DEADPOOL 

No. 

WEASEL 
Drum magazine. 



DEADPOOL 

You. 



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86* 



WEASEL 

Frag-12 explosive shells. 
DEADPOOL 

Didn't, 

WEASEL 
Wait 'til you shoot it* 

DEADPOOL 

I cannot. 

WEASEL 
And last . . . 

BLIND AL 
{to Weasel, res Deadpool) 
You're making love to his inner ten- 
year-old. 

WEASEL 

Whoa. Whoa , Last,., we've got a 
Kriss .45 Caliber TDI . 

Weasel shows off a bizarre, coal-black SUB-MACHINE GUN. 

DEADPOOL 
Yes, we do. 

WEASEL 

Most accurate machine gun on earth. 
No recoil. No muzzle rise. Their 
slogan is, 'Double Tap in the same 
hole.' 1.500 rounds per minute, 
each up the ass of the one before. 

DEADPOOL 

Can anyone else wait for tomorrow? 

(raises hand) 
'Cause I'm bouncing. 

BLIND AL 
I can feel. 

WEASEL 

Not gonna lie. I'm pretty geeked, 
too, 

DEADPOOL 
What's in the other bag? 

WEASEL 
Lots and lots . . - 

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87. 



Weasel UNZIPS it with a amile. 

WEASEL 

...of bullets. Say, what? Four 
thousand? 

A BEAT. Deadpool LOOKS AT CAMERA: 

DEADFOOL 

And we've all seen what I can do 
with eighteen. 

Blind Al retrieves a PISTOL from the futon. And with one 
shot... BOOM... lays waste to the ROOMBA. 

BLIND AL 
It was him or me. 



INT. /EXT. TAXI - DAY 

A TAXI drives across the city the following morning, its BACK 
BUMPER scraping the ground, throwing off SPARKS. 

In the front PASSENGER seat: DEADPOOL, crunching on CORN 
NUTS. 

Behind the wheel: DOPINDER. 

DEADPOOL 
So. How's things with Gita? 

DOPINDER 

You'd have to ask my cousin Bandhu. 
I did as you told and tried to hold 
on, Mr. Pool. 

We pan to the dash. The picture of Gita has been replaced 
with one of... ROSIE O'DONNELL. 

DOPINDER 
But Bandhu is crafty. And 
handsomer than me. 

DEADPOOL 

Yeah. Well. It's all relative. 

Deadpool suddenly LIFTS his MASK, revealing his SCARS to 
Dopinder. 

STARTLED, Dopinder FLINCHES and SIDESWIPES a PARKED CAR. 

COLOSSUS (O.S.) 
Stop the car. I must leave a note. 

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88* 



We CUT TO the BACK SEAT to find COLOSSUS CRAMMED in, KNEES to 
CHEST* He's drinking a CAPPUCCINO in a Starbucks To-Go cup. 

DEADPOOL 
Sorry, Chrome Dome. No time. 

DOPINDER 
Plus, I'm uninsured. And 
illiterate . 

COLOSSUS 

My mother always told me, 'Son, if 
something doesn't feel right, 
extricate yourself from the 
situation. ' 

DOPINDER 
Who brought this guy? 

The cab drives over a SMALL DIP and BOTTOMS OUT. 

DEADPOOL 
(to Colossus) 
Don't go all goody-two-boots. You 
do me this solid? I'll consider 
joining your boy band. 

COLOSSUS 
It's not a boy band. 

DEADPOOL 
Sure it's not. 

Dopinder HALTS the CAB across the street from Ajax's HIGH 
RISE. He flicks off the METER. 

DOPINDER 

Let me be guessing. Another high 
five? 

DEADPOOL 
For you? Ten. 

Deadpool and Dopinder SLAP BOTH HANDS* 

DOPINDER 
Knock em dead, pool boy. 

Dopinder AGAIN hands Deadpool his BUSINESS CARD. 

DEADPOOL 
Already got one, Dopinder. 



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DOPINDER 
Flip it over. For later. 



89. 



Deadpool flips over the card, SCRIBBLED THERE is Bandhu's 
NAME and ADDRESS* Deadpool SMILES... 

...and pulls his MASK BACK DOWN. 



EXT. HIGH RISE - DAY 

We hear the first kick-ass notes of DMX's J X GON GIVE IT TO 
YA. ' The kind of song that says 'shooting spree.' 

DEADPOOL walks straight up the marble steps to the building, 
in SLO-MO . 

DEADPOOL (V*0*) 
Not often a dude fucks up your 
face. Kills your friends* 
Destroys your living. Grabs your 
future baby mama* And personally 
sees to 8 of your 10 shittiest 
moments* Let's just say, it's 
beginning to look a lot like 
Christmas* * . 

This is as cool as Deadpool has ever looked. Muscles 
sprouting muscles. Gun barrels protruding like branches off 
a tree. Katana-grips on either shoulder like guardian 
angels . 

Still in SLO-MO , the huge revolving door of the building 
turns. . . 

...and out walks SLUGGO. 

SLUGGO, too, looks as tough as he's ever looked. Big as a 
bus. And READY for a scrap. 

The two men walk to within about fifteen feet of each other. 
Then stop, as REGULAR SPEED RESUMES: 

DEADPOOL 

Wanna fight me, buddy? There f s me 
buddy* 

Sluggo turns just in time to see what Deadpool's POINTING AT: 
COLOSSUS, who appears suddenly from his right* Colossus 
throws a RIGHT HOOK from his HEELS. 

The punch CONNECTS with SLUGGO ' S JAW. Sluggo leaves his feet 
and SMASHES through the glass FACADE of the building. 



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90. 



Deadpool and Colossus etep through the broken facade, 
CRUNCHING GLASS UNDERFOOT. 

A DAZED Sluggo tries to regain his feet. 

DEADPOOL 
(to Colossus) 
Favor? Fuck him the fuck up. 

COLOSSUS 
Language . Please . 

Colossus HURLS Sluggo back through another massive WINDOW and 
steps out after him. 

DEADPOOL continues to the center of the abandoned lobby... 

...then stops, frowning, surprised at the lack of a 
reception. Until, right on cue... 

...FIFTY or so GUARDS POP UP from hiding places in every 
direction around the room. . . 

...guns DRAWN and AIMED. 

DEADPOOL 

Just be glad it's not 'Bring Your 
Daughter to Work' day. 

(aims the KRISS) 
Let's dance. 

(no one moves) 
And by dance, I mean shoot at each 
other. 

Instantly, every GUARD in the room OPENS FIRE. 

DEADPOOL DUCKS, LEAPS, ROLLS, and comes up FIRING... 

...with the KRISS. THIS GUN IS BEYOND RIDICULOUS... 

...insanely FAST, insanely loud, and other-worldly PRECISE... 

...with all the whoa-f actor of an automatic weapon (bullets 
spraying out like a garden hose) and all the wow-factor of a 
sniper rifle (bullets ending up where they have no business 
ending up ) . 

Deadpool fires in deafening long BURSTS, plugging guys all 
over the room. 

ANGLE on a GUARD wearing a RIOT HELMET with a TRANSPARENT 
FACE SHIELD. 



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91. 



The guard takes a bullet to one aide of the face shield. The 
shield suddenly DANGLES, ASKEW* 

Then a SECOND bullet strikes the OTHER side of the shield. 
The shield is shorn off the helmet COMPLETELY. The guard's 
chin drops in amazement. And a third bullet enters his OPEN 
MOUTH. 

ANGLE ON a GUARD with a SNIPER RIFLE. 

The sniper draws a bead from the far side of the room. We 
take the sniper's P.O.V. through the magnified BULLS-EYE. 
The cross-hairs fall right on Deadpool's head... 

...just in time to see Deadpool FIRE the KRISS straight back 
into camera. 

With the bullets in mid-flight, we RAMP to SLQ-MO . The 
sniper actually SEES the STREAM of BULLETS bearing down on 
him. * * 

. . .before we RAMP back to REGULAR SPEED . The bullets CRASH 
THROUGH his TELESCOPIC SIGHT into his EYE. 

ANGLE ON a GUARD in a KEVLAR VEST who takes a stream of 
bullets in the same precise spot on his chest, in SLO-MO : 

The first bullet DENTS the Kevlar, the second dents it 
FURTHER, the next tears a HOLE in it, and the last flies 
THROUGH the hole, striking the guard in the HEART. 

Angle on a HEAVY GUNNER who opens up on Deadpool using a 
TRIPOD-MOUNTED , THICK-BARRELED .50 caliber BROWNING MACHINE 
GUN. He fires one long burst. Pauses. Then another long 
burst. Pauses again... 

...only to have Deadpool fire a burst of bullets that enters 
the BARREL of his gun. The .45 caliber bullets fit neatly 
down the .50 caliber BARREL... 

...and the gun EXPLODES in the gunner's hands. 

Deadpool weaves, ducks, leaps to avoid being hit, all the 
while SPRAYING bullets into the FEET of guards who are 
running, the HANDS of guards who are shooting, the HEADS of 
guards who are peeking. 

He spies a HEAVY HANGING SCULPTURE and shoots the four CHAINS 
attaching it to the ceiling. The sculpture FALLS, crushing 
TWO GUARDS . 

He gets pinned behind a COUNTER by a BARRAGE of FIRE. He 

tries to PEEK around it, but the sheer VOLUME of bullets ~\ 

forces him back. 

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92* 



So he draws a KATANA, extends it around the EDGE of the 
counter, and spies TWO heavily-armed guards in the REFLECTION 
of the BLADE, 

He aims * - . and shoots a BURST off his own SWORD with the 
KRISS. 

The sword BREAKS, but the bullets RICOCHET off it precisely 
INTO one of the guards, 

Deadpool quickly draws his SECOND KATANA and REPEATS the 
TRICK, 

DEADPOOL 
I love the fuck outta this gun. 



INT. PENTHOUSE LOBBY - DAY 

In the penthouse lobby, AJAX and GARRISON KANE watch the 
carnage in the lobby on a bank of security MONITORS. 

Ajax is still calirw 

AJAX 

Get down there. 



EXT. HIGH RISE - DAY 

Just outside the building, COLOSSUS is trying to press his 
advantage on SLUGGO and FINISH him* Sluggo has fallen to one 
knee and looks on the verge of defeat**. 

...causing the always-empathetic Colossus to hesitate. 

Sluggo suddenly LEAPS UP and BLASTS COLOSSUS in the mouth 
With a VICIOUS FLYING KNEE* 

Now it's Colossus's turn to be dazed. Sluggo LIGHTS INTO HIM 
with a series of other-worldly PUNCHES. 



INT. LOBBY - DAY 

DEADPOOL is suddenly distracted by the sight of Colossus 
getting his ass kicked outside. 

DEADPOOL 
Someone's been P90X-ing. 

Deadpool returns his attention to the guards-., just in time 
to grow concerned at the sight of TWENTY or so GUARDS forming 
a WALL behind a row of HUGE, THICK RIOT SHIELDS* 

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These riot shields feature small, impenetrable Plexiglas 
WINDOWS so that the guards can see what they're advancing on. 

And ADVANCE they do, in a moving PHALANX, right TOWARD 
Deadpool * 

Deadpool reloads his Kriss, RISES UP, and OPENS FIRE 
MERCILESSLY on the advancing shields*,* 

•••only to see his bullets helplessly RICOCHET.,. 

...RIGHT BACK AT HIM. His mask get SINGED by a bullet. He 
DUCKS behind the counter again, ALARMED •• • 

...but only for the length of time it takes for him to 
DISCARD the KRISS and UNSLING the AA-12 AUTOMATIC SHOTGUN: 

The one with DRUM MAGAZINES full of EXPLOSIVE ROUNDS . 

A word about the AA-12: It's the most breathtaking, 
punishing, exhilarating gun EVER. Its rounds strike with 
such explosive power, they can SPIN the front end of a parked 
car a full ninety degrees. If you shot a jeep in the side up 
high with this gun, it would knock the jeep OVER* 

Deadpool stands up* 



And FIRES right INTO the row of riot shields. 

The effect is STUNNING, Every guy who gets hit BLASTS 
backward as if being run over by a car. 

Immediately, the WALL of SHIELDS disintegrates as gaps appear 
wherever Deadpool fires. SHIELDS and BODIES CARTWHEEL 
THROUGH THE AIR. 

Deadpool steps into the gap in the 'wall' and slowly turns in 
a circle, SHOULDER-FIRING ROUNDS at every point on the 
compass , 

CRASH ! CRASH 1 CRASH ! CRASH ! CRASH 1 CRASH I 

Spent RED SHOTGUN SHELLS tumble through the air around 
Deadpool . 

MEN literally FLY around the room. TABLES buck and spin and 
go airborne. COUNTERS disintegrate. COMPUTERS launch. 
WINDOWS shatter. SCULPTURES and STATUES explode. 

Everything and everyone that gets hit looks like it's getting 
CHEST-STOMPED by an INVISIBLE, GOD-SIZED BOOT. 




DEADPOOL 
This should be good. 




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95. 



...one last driver peeks up over a steering wheel and FLOORS 
his damaged CAR, trying to smash Deadpool against the 
elevators . 

The car is up to 30 MILES-FER-HOUR by the time Deadpool HEARS 
it, turns, and OPENS FIRE into its grill. 

B00M-B0OM-BOOM-B0OM-BO0M1 The force of the shotgun is 
literally stronger than the forward momentum of a 4,000 pound 
car moving at 30 miles -per-hour. 

The exploding rounds bring the car to a full STOP, then FORCE 
it BACKWARD out of the lobby and DOWN the front steps of the 
building. . . 

. . .where it TAGS Sluggo in the back, giving Colossus a chance 
to regain his feet. 

DEADPOOL 
Got your back, Heavy Metal 1 

Then Deadpool hears a familiar 'Dingl' over his shoulder and 
turns back around to see ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN... 

...on the familiar visage of GARRISON KANE. 

KANE raises one 'arm,' at the end of which is his 
FLAMETHROWER appendage, with a little blue PILOT LIGHT 
extending juat beyond an OPEN TUBE. 

PROFANE GAS suddenly SURGES from the tube, where it is SET ON 
FIRE by the PILOT LIGHT... 

...and SURGES out in a long TONGUE of BLUE FLAME. 

DEADPOOL 

Yeeeowwwl 

Deadpool tries to duck, but CATCHES FIRE. He looks down at 
his burning suit, thinks: 

DEADPOOL (V*O t ) 
(the old Dick Van Dyke 
PSA) 

Stop, drop, and roll, Dick, roll* 

Deadpool drops and rolls, PUTTING out the FIRE. He looks up 
to see GARRISON KANE aiming the PROSTHETIC APPENDAGE on his 
OTHER arm: 

The ROCKET-PROPELLED GRENADE LAUNCHER we saw at SISTER 
MARGARET'S. 



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96. 



An RPG screams through the air, STRIKING the ground in front 
of Deadpool, sending him FLYING. 

Kane launches GRENADE AFTER GRENADE. They scream like 
banshees . 

DEADPOOL avoids each by mere INCHES.,. 

...but again and again , he is BLASTED like a loose-limbed RAG- 
DOLL, HEAD-OVER HEELS , ANKLES-OVER-ELBOWS, all over the 
lobby . 

Deadpool smashes through a glass partition and lands on a bed 
of BROKEN GLASS » 

Kane has him dead-to-rights , launching another GRENADE . . . 

...which,.* at the LAST conceivable second... DEADPOOL SHOOTS 
OUT OF THE AIR with the AA-12. BLAM! 

Garrison Kane fires again. Again, Deadpool shoots the RPG 
OUT OF THE AIR. Only this time, the RPG explodes a little 
FURTHER from Deadpool and a little CLOSER to Kane. 

Kane keeps firing, Deadpool keeps firing* But the explosions 
get CLOSER to Kane each time, backing up TOWARD him. 
Deadpool FOLLOWS them in. 

The last RPG EXPLODES just as it's LAUNCHING from Kane's 
prosthesis* He stumbles backward, and Deadpool goes FULLY 
AUTO with the AA-12. 

The rounds EXPLODE into Kane's METALLIC CHEST. He hurtles 
backward and hits the deck. Deadpool LANDS on top of him* 

Kane raises his FLAMETHROWER and FIRES. We enter SLO-MO as 
the blue plume nearly takes off Deadpool 's head. 

REGULAR SPEED . 

Kane tries to fire again, but in a lightning-fast reversal, 
DEADPOOL grabs his WRISTS and jams the BARRELS of his two 
prosthetics TOGETHER. 

The blue flame spits out of one appendage INTO the other f 
curling up the barrel of Kane's RPG LAUNCHER and IGNITING the 
RPGs inside. 

DEADPOOL DIVES OFF Kane as he EXPLODES,., a human MUSHROOM 
CLOUD. 

And DMX ROCKS to a CLOSE. 

Deadpool stands up, BRUSHES himself OFF, and walks away. 

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97 



An injured GUARD lamely tries to GRAB Deadpool's ANKLE . 

DEADPOOL 

Your plan to trip me to death? Has 
failed* 

Deadpool nonchalantly SKULL-STOMPS him. 



INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE - DAY 

In his penthouse office, AJAX sits behind a massive oak DESK, 
busy loading an off -screen GUN that's obscured from sight* 

VANESSA stands trapped in the PUNCH-BOWL nearby. 

One of Ajax's GUARDS suddenly pokes his head into the room. 

GUARDS 
You need to see this. 

CUT TO: 



INT. PENTHOUSE LOBBY - DAY 

AJAX is now over the GUARD'S shoulder, looking at one of the 
SECURITY MONITORS, which displays a LIVE CAMERA FEED from a 
high angle looking DOWN on the lobby* 

The bloody REMAINS of GARRISON KANE and various GUARDS have 
been ASSEMBLED into a MESSAGE on the FLOOR. 

One word: 

FRANCIS . 

Ajax's gaze immediately rises to the BANK of ELEVATORS... 

...and to one PARTICULAR elevator, whose lit, ascending 
numbers reveal it to be RISING toward the penthouse. 

Ajax looks around at his remaining GUARDS, who still number 
at least TWENTY, 

AJAX 

Bring hell itself. 
INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE - DAY 

AJAX returns to his office, SLAMS the door, and pauses to PAT 

the surface of the PUNCH BOWL. Vanessa tries to SAY J ~ % \ 

SOMETHING, but can't catch a breath. 

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98. 



Ajax smirks and dials up her OXYGEN to give her the chance: 

VANESSA 
(weakly sings, muffled) 
My boyfriend's back, and you're 
gonna be in trouble. 

AJAX 
(rolls his eyes) 
Hey la. Hey la. 

Ajax dials the oxygen back DOWN and takes a seat behind his 
desk. 

INT. PENTHOUSE LOBBY - DAY 

GUARDS carrying every sort of gun LOCK and LOAD and assume 
DEFENSIVE POSITIONS across the penthouse lobby. 

INT. ELEVATOR - DAY 

Inside the elevator, DEADPOOL checks the remaining AMMO for 
his AA-12. TWO more shells. He DITCHES the gun... 

...and draws ONE three-barreled Metal Storm PISTOL. 

Make that TWO three-barreled Metal Storm PISTOLS. 

Then COCKS them BOTH. CLICK-CLACK. CLICK-CLACK. 

He extends both arms, aiming the pistols forward, side-by- 
side, at EYE LEVEL. 

Then notices his REFLECTION in the brass elevator door. 

Something about this pose could be improved. 

He SLOWLY turns the pistols SIDEWAYS, GANGSTER-STYLE. 

Much better. 

Then looks down. Fuck. 

ZIPS up his FLY. 

And poses again. 

DEADPOOL 
Maximum effort. 



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99. 



INT. PENTHOUSE LOBBY - DAY 

DING1 The elevator doors OPEN, and DEADPOOL stands there, 
guns aimed, counting on the intimidation factor. 

DEADPOOL 

Drop 'em! 
No one drops anything. 

DEADPOOL 

No? 

(puzzled) 
I know my fly's not down. 

The guards immediately OPEN FIRE. 

DEADPOOL 

Ack! 

Deadpool kicks off the SIDE of the elevator, jumps UP, and 
presses his HANDS and FEET against the front and back of the 
elevator respectively (spread-eagled, with his back touching 
the CEILING, as if he's sky-diving). 

The guards FIRE again and again into what looks like an EMPTY 
ELEVATOR. 

Then they PAUSE. 

DEADPOOL uses this instant to DROP to hands and knees on the 
floor and DIVE /ROLL out of the elevator. 

He comes out of his roll and OPENS FIRE with both PISTOLS. 

Because three bullets are being discharged with every trigger- 
pull, every 'shot' goes off like a BOMB. 

Guards DROP as three-bullet volleys SPIN them this way and 
that. 

The remaining guards RETURN FIRE. 

The lobby DISINTEGRATES in a sideways storm of lead. 

Deadpool takes a bullet THROUGH the SHOULDER. But he USES 
the momentum to spin him into his next shot. 

We ramp down to SLO-MO to watch THREE BULLETS exit one of 

Deadpool 's pistols, then back up to REGULAR SPEED as they 

cross the room, then back down to SLO-MO to see the bullets 

flying in a triangular tiny 'formation,' then back up to 

REGULAR SPEED to see them lift a GUARD off his feet. ^ 

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100. 



GUARDS start to RUN at DEADPOOL. . « 

*,.who RELOADS his pistols, and then shifts his weight back 
and forth from one foot to the other like a BOXER who's just 
entered the ring to warm up, 

Deadpool starts fighting HAND-to-HAND, but uses the pistols 
as extensions of his fists, shooting at the exact MOMENT he 
delivers each PUNCH. 

Every punch carries with it the extra oomph of THREE 
discharged 9mm BULLETS. 

One by one, GUARDS rush at him. Boom! A right CROSS to the 
JAW. 

Vicious BODY- SHOTS to the solar plexus* BOOM1 B00M1 BOOM I 
BOOM-BOOM 1 A one-two combination to the TEMPLE. 
JABS to the CHIN. BOOM! BOOMJ 

The nearest guard slips. DEADPOOL PUNCHES him on the GROUND . 
BOOM! B00M1 BOOM! 

And suddenly, the shots usher in familiar , melodic notes: 

A REPRISE Of JOHN DENVER'S 'I WANT TO LIVE*' 

In time with the tempo of the music, the action SLOWS. 

Deadpool continues to punch/shoot in awesome, glorious SLO- 
MO. 

But he's not the only one 'wanting to live' as John Denver 
croons : 

We CUT to COLOSSUS at ground level, who HURLS SLUGGO through 
a SUPPORT PILLAR of the building, also in SLO-MO . 

Then back to DEADPOOL, who throws RABBIT PUNCHES/SHOTS into a 
GUARD'S KIDNEY* 

Then back to SLUGGO, who HAMMER- THROWS COLOSSUS through a 
WALL* 

Then back to DEADPOOL who dishes out the perfect RIGHT HOOK, 
which contains three more bullets* 

Then back to COLOSSUS who smashes SLUGGO through another 
pillar with a ROUNDHOUSE KICK. 



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101, 



Then back to DEADPOOL, who lands a crazy UPPERCUT under the 
last guard's CHIN. The force of the bullet /punch LIFTS him 
high off the ground . 

The music CRESCENDOES, and we resume REGULAR SPEED as the 
final GUARD DROPS with a THUD. 

DEADPOOL 

Adrian i 

Deadpool assumes the classic CASSIUS-CLAY-STANDING- 
VICTORIOUSLY-OVER-SONNY-LISTON pose, then throws his ARMS up 
in VICTORY and STUTTER- STEPS /DANCES like ALL 



INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE - DAY 

AJAX, sitting behind the desk in his office, finally COCKS 
his UNSEEN GUN* The DOOR SWINGS OPEN, and out of a lobby 
full of SMOKE* . . 

...steps DEADPOOL. 

His eyes immediately go from Ajax to VANESSA in the Punch 
Bowl. 

Deadpool raises a PISTOL and shoots THROUGH the PLEXIGLAS, ^ 
The bullets tear into the bed next to Vanessa's ear. 

AIR rushes in through the BULLET HOLES. Vanessa can BREATHE. 

DEADPOOL 
(to Ajax) 
I hope they numbed every last 
nerve. 'Cause I'm'a go looking. 

Ajax kicks over the desk to reveal what's in his hands: A 
GENERAL DYNAMIX XM-307 HEAVY MACHINE GUN. 

AJAX 

Forget the open casket. 

DEADPOOL 
I'd do 'I fart in your general 
direction!' from Holy Grail , but I 
can't be that- 
{ realizes ) 
Holy shit. I am that guy. 

Deadpool pulls both TRIGGERS, only to have both PISTOLS 
CLICK. 

OUT OF BULLETS . ^ 

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102. 



DEADPOOL 
That was four thousand?! 

Ajax SNEERS and OPENS FIRE* The XM-307 is cu-razy. Loud as 
fuck* Its barrel retracts and extends with each discharged 
round, and it can shoot FIVE every SECOND * 

But even with the machine-gun-from-hell, Ajax finds Deadpool 
extraordinarily DIFFICULT to HIT. 

BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM. 

SLUGS TEAR into the opposite wall as Deadpool ditches his 
pistols and BUM- RUSHES Ajax. 

We enter SLO-MO as he JUMPS /TWISTS through the air, spiraling 
AROUND the serpentine STREAM of BULLETS. 

REGULAR SPEED again as Deadpool hits the ground, picks up the 
DESK as a SHIELD, and SURGES forward. 

The desk DISINTEGRATES around him, but gets him close enough 
to CRUSH Ajax with a FIST. 

The gun goes FLYING . 

And now, we get what we've been long been waiting for: 
A MANO A MANO battle between DEADPOOL AND AJAX. 
It's HAGLER VS. HEARNS, FORTY STORIES UP... 
...every PUNCH teeth-rattling..* 
...every KICK bone -crunching. 
The two men TRADE BLOWS . . . 

...attempt CHOKES and JOINT LOCKS. ARM and KNEE BARS. 

Deadpool is the quicker of the two, but Ajax is a terrifying 
BRAWLER. 

Deadpool throws short, blinding PUNCHES - rat-a-tat-tat - 
into Ajax's grill. 

DEADPOOL 
Since you can't feel it? 

(holds up an INCISOR) 
I just knocked out your tooth. 

AJAX snarls, drives a SHOULDER into Deadpool 's midsection, 
and DRIVES him to the floor, then MOUNTS him and begins 
BLUDGEONING his face with HAMMER-LIKE FISTS* 

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DEADPOOL 
Funniest part of The Hangover* 



103 • 



INT. BUILDING LOBBY - DAY 

Down below, COLOSSUS ' s and SLUGGO's raging battle is 
beginning to BRING DOWN the building's FOUNDATION. 

COLOSSUS gains momentum, gets Sluggo on proverbial the ropes, 
BLASTS him into SUBMISSION. 

But one of the remaining support PILLARS BUCKLES all by 
itself, and a huge CRACK spreads down the lobby ceiling. 



INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE - DAY 

DEADPOOL is starting to lose consciousness under Ajax's fists 
when he turns his head to one side and spies the PUNCH BOWL. 

We RACK FOCUS to Vanessa locking eyes with him from inside. 

Suddenly, we hear a REPRISE of the STEREOTYPICAL ROMANTIC 
MUSICAL CUE that launched the ROMANTIC COMEDY montage. 
Deadpool turns his head back toward AJAX. 

Deadpool SURGES with energy and BUCKS Ajax off. 



INT. BUILDING LOBBY - DAY 

BOOM1 Colossus FINISHES SLUGGO off with one last SUNDAY 
PUNCH, sending him through another wall and back outside... 

...causing the ENTIRE BUILDING to crack, groan, crumble/ and 
TOPPLE * 



INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE - DAY 

DEADPOOL and AJAX are trading BLOWS again when the OFFICE 
bucks, sways , and TILTS as if it's undergoing a 9.0 
EARTHQUAKE. 

AJAX falls and SLIP-SLIDES toward an empty space where a 
WINDOW used to be. 

Deadpool spins to SPY the PUNCH BOWL also hurtling toward 
DISASTER. 

He SURFS down the tilting hard-wood floor on both feet, 

quickly RIPS the lid off the PUNCH BOWL, unstraps VANESSA, ^> 

and SHELTERS her with his body... 

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104, 



..,as the entire building TOPPLES INTO the building next to 
it with a TREMENDOUS f EAR-SPLITTING CRASH, 

The building PIROUETTES in mid-air. 

AJAX and DEADPOOL (clutching Vanessa) SLIDE down the 
surface . . * 

...all the way to the GROUND... 

...where they are BURIED by an AVALANCHE of FALLING RUBBLE. 



EXT* RUBBLE PILE - DAY 

A cloud of thick gray DUST settles... 

...over BOTH buildings, which have become a MASSIVE PILE of 
DEBRIS, 

SLUGGO lies motionless in the background. 

COLOSSUS vigorously TOSSES aside MASSIVE SLABS of CONCRETE to 
get to DEADPOOL and COMPANY. 

He finds VANESSA first - in a POCKET of DEBRIS - coughing, 
but O.K. He carries her to safety, laying her down gently 
against a fallen pillar. 

Then Colossus turns back for DEADPOOL. He can't find him and 
is beginning to grow alarmed when... 

. . .Deadpool's HEAD POPS UP from under a pile of DEBRIS... 
again, like the gopher in Caddyahack* 

DEADPOOL 

I'm good. 

Deadpool shoves off the debris and is STANDING UP..* 

. . .when AJAX emerges from under a fallen BEAM and takes him 
out at the KNEES, 

DEADPOOL 

Carambai 

(subtitled, in YELLOW: ) 
For heaven's saket 

Deadpool hits his back- Ajax drops FISTS. 

But Deadpool SUDDENLY reverses the MOUNT, lands on AJAX's 
CHEST, and goes to TOWN with a series of vicious FOREARMS and 
ELBOWS . 

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105, 



DEADPOOL 

Hello, elbow! What's up, forearm! 

Smelling victory, he grabs AJAX by the hair and starts 
SLAMMING his HEAD against a broken SLAB of CONCRETE. 

BAM ! BAM! BAM. Bam. 

You can feel Deadpool's adrenalized catharsis as Ajax finally 
falls LIMP in his hands. 

DEADPOOL 

{ thrilled/ exhausted ) 
There are no words . 

Deadpool stands, SPIES a discarded PISTOL in the rubble, 
picks it up, checks for bullets, and returns to AJAX, jamming 
the barrel between his eyes. 

DEADPOOL 
Wakey, wakey. 

Ajax's eyes flutter open, 

DEADPOOL 

Me and you are headed to wherever 

you can fix me. ' 

Ajax shakes off the cobwebs, assimilates this last statement, 
then actually LAUGHS. Deadpool looks CONFUSED • 

AJAX 

Sorry. It's just. All this time. 
You think I can fix you? I'm 
flattered. I am. But I'm not the 
brains. You're looking for the guy 
behind the guy. Dr. Killebrew. 
He's long gone. And I don't know 
where . 

DEADPOOL 

Urn. What? 

AJAX 
You heard me. 

DEADPOOL 

You mean to say, after five long 
years, I've been chasing the wrong 
fucking dude? 

AJAX 

Sounds even stupider when you say 
it. 



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106. 



DEADPOOL 

Like the kind of stupid who admits 
he can't do the one thing I'm 
keeping him alive for? 

(chambers a round) 
Any last words? Good, I got one: 

(pulls back the hammer) 
Francis . 

COLOSSUS (O.S.) 

Wade I 

Deadpool turns to see Colossus , hands on hia hips, looking 
extra HEROIC • 

COLOSSUS 
Four or five moments* 

DEADPOOL 

I'm sorry? 

COLOSSUS 

Four or five moments. That's all 
it takes * * * 

DEADPOOL 

Explain? 

COLOSSUS 

To be a hero. Everyone thinks it's 
a full time job. Wake up a hero. 
Brush your teeth a hero. Go to 
work a hero. Not true. Over a 
lifetime, there are only four or 
five moments that really matter. 
Moments when you're suddenly given 
the chance* To make a sacrifice. 
Conquer a flaw. Save a friend. 
Spare an enemy. 

Deadpool continues to hold the pistol to Ajax's head. 

COLOSSUS 

In those moments, everything else 
falls away. The way the world sees 
us. The way we see oursel- 

BOOM i OFF- SCREEN, A GUNSHOT . 

COLOSSUS 
(dry- heaves again) 
Oh, man ! Why I 

Reverse angle to Deadpool, who's just SHOT AJAX in the HEAD. 

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107. 



DEADPOOL 
You were droning on I 
( ahrugs ) 

Look, if wearing the super-hero 
tights means sparing asshole 
psychopaths, maybe I wasn't meant 
to wear 'em. Not everyone monitors 
a hall like you. 



COLOSSUS 
Just promise- 



DEADPOOL 

(nods) 

I'll be on the lookout for the next 
four moments. 



Deadpool extends his hand. Colossus SHAKES. 



DEADPOOL 
Now go clean some chalk-board 
erasers, or be a... really Big 
Brother, or teach fat kids to eat 
lettuce. I gotta see a girl 
without a penis. 



ANGLE ON: 



VANESSA, starting to stand up, still a little shell-shocked. 
DEADPOOL reaches her, helps her up, brushes her off. 



DEADPOOL 
There's grass stains on your 
lederhosen. 



VANESSA 

And the bloodshot still goes with 
your red. 

DEADPOOL 

Sorry it's taken me so long. Been 
a rough few years. 

VANESSA 
(smirks) 
Rough? 

DEADPOOL 

I live in a crack house. With a 
family of twelve. At night, we 
spoon for warmth. Everyone fights 
for Noelle. She's the fattest. 

(MORE) J 



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108. 



DEADPOOL (CONT'D) 
There's nothing we don't share. 
Floor space. Needles. Condoms. 

A beat. 

VANESSA 
So you live in a house I 

DEADPOOL 

I woulda found you before now. But 
the cure was worse than the 
disease. The guy behind this mask 
isn't the same guy you remember. 

VANESSA 
You mean this mask? 

Deadpool FLINCHES but doesn't STOP Vanessa from slowly, 
gently, . . 

...taking OFF his mask, revealing... 
. . .underneath. . . 

...the PICTURE of HUGH JACKMAN from PEOPLE, eyes and mouth 
cut out, STAPLED to his skin* 

DEADPOOL 

And this mask. In case the other 
one fell off. 

VANESSA 
You mean like this ? 

Vanessa starts PULLING out the STAPLES. 

DEADPOOL 
Oo* Ah. Ow-di 5000. 

When there's only one more staple to go, on Deadpool 's 
FOREHEAD, Vanessa hesitates. Deadpool takes her wrist. 

DEADPOOL 

Sure? 

VANESSA 
Sure I'm sure. 

And she PULLS OUT the final staple. Hugh Jackman FLOATS to 
the ground, revealing ALL DEADPOOL 's SCARS. And two very 
vulnerable, misty eyes. 

A beat. 

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109. 



VANESSA 

Ew. 

For the tiniest of instants, Deadpool's face falls. Vanessa 
smiles . 

VANESSA 

Get over yourself I I'd hit it. 
DEADPOOL 

Really? 1 

VANESSA 

It's a face... I'm happy to sit on. 
Among other things. 

She hooks his PINKIE with HERS, PULLS him in with it, and 
KISSES him. Nice, lingering, no tongue yet. 

DEADPOOL 
I'm also not the same guy under 
these pants. 

(a beat) 
Take them off too? 

He kisses her back. The little kisses become BIGGER ONES. <*m^ 

Then... fading up from nowhere, with a slightly tinny 
quality... we hear WHAM! 's 'CARELESS WHISPER. ' 

Vanessa pulls back, puzzled. Where's that coming from? 

Deadpool raises his i-Phone, which displays Andrew Ridgeley's 
FACE BEAMING from Wham! 's 'HAKE IT BIG' album cover. 

DEADPOOL 
(between kisses) 
As promised... Ridgeley. Tight as 
cooch. 

The two HAKE OUT LIKE CRAZY, LONG AND HARD. We slowly PULL 
BACK until they look SHALL against the RUBBLE of the FALLEN 
BUILDING in the distance. 

DEADPOOL (V.O*) 
See, life can smell like Daffodil 
Daydream* So if you're sitting out 
there in your own personal punch 
bowl* Scars on your face* Rosie 
O'Donnell on your tongue* Find 
someone to hold onto* And someone 
to hold onto you* Life's next 

little train wreck. . . ^ 



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no. 



The camera CRANES DOWN to a MAN in a WHITE PHYSICIAN'S COAT, 
walking away down the sidewalk. 

DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
..-will be so much easier if you 
do* * * 



EXT. CITY STREET - DAY 

The HAN walks up to a parked BLACK SEDAN, opens the right 
rear door, and cliiribs in* 

The DRIVER turns. It is the RECRUITER who once sat down next 
to Wade at Sister Margaret's, selling him on the Workshop. 

RECRUITER 
Where to, Dr. Killebrew? 

We REVERSE ANGLE to the back seat, revealing the PUDGY, 
KINDLY-LOOKING DOCTOR WHO STROKED WADE'S HEAD IN THE 
WORKSHOP , 

DR. KILLEBREW 
To*., new beginnings. 

The driver smiles, turns, and DRIVES AWAY. 

As the sedan pulls into traffic, we... 

FADE TO BLACK. 

And roll END CREDITS . 

ANDREW AND GEORGE BELT OUT 'CARELESS WHISPER.' Until, after 
about a MINUTE, the song FADES OUT... 

DEADPOOL (V*0.) 
Whami Bam* Thank you, ma'am* 
Almost forgot shittlest moment 
number onei 

* * .we. » » 



SQUEEZE BACK TO: 



INT. DEADPOOL *S LAIR - NIGHT 

DEADPOOL and BLIND AL sit in the living room, cooperating to 
build an IKEA TRONDHEIM FOUR-DRAWER CHEST. 



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112. 



BLIND AL 

YOU, too. 

The two turn and walk away. She gives him a football-style 
congratulatory SLAP on the back of the lower thigh. 

DEADPOOL 
Missed my ass. 

BLIND AL 
Always pictured you shorter. 

The two EXIT FRAME... 

...and we return to the TRONDHEIM. 

It COLLAPSES . 

We squeeze the picture away, returning to a screen full of 
CREDITS. Until the last credit rolls. 

When we . . . 

FADE UP ON: 

THE FINAL POST-CREDIT SEQUENCE: 
EXT. LONDON STREET - DAY 

A perfectly sober AMY WINEHOUSE crosses the street near 
Trafalgar Square, where she gets... 

...WIPED OUT by a DOUBLE-DECKER BUS. Her body literally goes 
FLYING. 

DEADPOOL (V.O.) 
And you woulda thought an overdose. 

And we're OUT. 



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